That time of the year? October. Because October means Halloween. And Halloween means fun.
I’m trying to figure out a way to properly salute this time of the year. I’ve already done a series of posts on my favorite or unknown Halloween movies. Which means that idea is kind of kaput unless I can find some more horror movies that you need to know about.
I could salute Halloween costumes. But I may have done that as well. Or I could figure out something fresh on that topic.
I could talk about my favorite types of Halloween candy and then those types of candy that you dread to get.
I could talk about how October means the start of fall and the likelihood of snowfall increasing by the day.
I could do all of those or something else.
Regardless, I will come up with something each week or maybe even more as a tribute to this month once it starts tomorrow.
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So just as a little bit of a rant for today while I ponder whatever else I will be going on about, let us take a look at something that has been bothering me.
Tim Tebow’s concussion.
You would swear by the way that ESPN is covering every detail about this that the President had been shot. With reporters hanging around the campus of the Florida Gators every day and giving us minute by minute updates on his cranial region, you would also think that if Tim Tebow can’t play the entire world would end. And that would be putting a premature end to the world because as we all know that the world will be ending on December 21st, 2012. Because Roland Emmerich has a movie that says so.
This is piece of evidence number 1830905 of why I no longer consider ESPN to be credible source of anything dealing with sports.
We get all of these updates about a kid who took a clean hit and got knocked out just because he is a media darling and everybody is supposed to love him.
What we aren’t getting very much of, outside of the obligatory blurb on the bottom line of their television programs or a quick mention during SportsCenter or their radio programs, is the story about Stefan Johnson.
In case you haven’t heard, Stefan Johnson had a rather horrific accident while lifting weights the other day. The bar slipped from his hands while he lifting and the bar came crashing down on his larynx and throat region and he needed emergency surgery to survive.
Let me state that again…the bar…came crashing down on his throat…loaded down with a ton of weight…and he required seven hours of surgery to even stay alive.
Because of the quick reactions of his spotter and other personnel and due to the level of muscle that he had in his neck, chest and back, he was able to get to the hospital and have the chance to live.
But because he hasn’t won a Heisman Trophy or been in the limelight very often we hear very little about his accident.
The kid is looking to make a full recovery and maybe even get the chance to continue his football career but I have been a little taken aback by the way ESPN has covered this and taken so much time talking about Tim Tebow.
Yes, Tim Tebow suffered a concussion and blacked out and tossed his lunch after the hit but I hate to break it to ESPN…concussions happen all the time in football. It happens at every level of football. When you have sport that is predicated on large, fast and violent people running at each other, these kinds of things will happen.
So why is Tim Tebow’s concussion so important?
Seriously. I want to know. I need to know. I am very confused why this is such an important event that all of us should be getting hourly updates on.
And it also makes me question if it had been anybody else, would we be getting this much coverage over the injury?
Had Zac Lee of the Huskers been sick all week and then suffered a violent hit during the second half of the blowout game against Louisiana Lafayette would ESPN be so concerned about him?
I highly doubt it.
Just another example of how The World Wide Leader in sports is really not the leader in sports. They are the leaders of what they want you to care about.
I hate ESPN.
End of rant.
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Get yourselves all sorts of jacked about the month that is coming up. Get out your pumpkins and ghosts that hang from the trees. Get out your noise makers that produce scary noises and put on your favorite Halloween costume. If you are a woman, I would suggest the French Maid or S & M Dominatrix outfit.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
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I love football prognosticators and their penchant for over-reactions to a single event or game.
Let me explain…
Every week, it seems that some talking head on television is more than happy to proclaim something bold and complete based on what a team does over a given weekend.
I realize that speaking boldly is how you get people to listen to you, whether it be things that people love to hear or things that piss people off. That is how you get popular.
But over the past two weeks, I have heard over and over that six teams were really back in the collective vision of college football or that they were finally the real deal.
Teams such as Florida State, Michigan, Washington, Miami, Mississippi and California.
And what happened to them this past weekend? All but Michigan were thoroughly beaten down. And Michigan had to hold on to beat a really crappy Indiana team.
Florida State was trounced, just a week removed from clubbing a BYU team that beat Oklahoma, by a South Florida team that was without their starting quarterback.
Washington just beat USC and then responded by getting whacked around by Stanford.
Miami was reveling in their new found swagger and then they were blasted by a Virginia Tech team that had to get a miracle to beat Nebraska.
Mississippi was a darling of the media all summer and early fall but failed to beat a South Carolina team that had struggled at times with their offense.
And California was primped and primed to roll through the Pac-10 season until they were killed by an Oregon team that couldn’t beat Boise State.
What does all of this tell me? It tells me that the ‘experts’ we listen to talk about our favorite sports or movies or politics or news generally don’t know any more than the rest of us. They have opinions and will scream and shout at the wind and expect us to believe that they are some how more knowledgeable than the rest of us.
And they usually aren’t. Maybe they might have more sources than the average person but just because they have those things doesn’t necessarily mean that they are better off to make predictions or proclamations than the rest of us. Because until the games are played, nobody knows what could happen.
I also much question why they feel the need to make those giant statements about a team being ‘back’ or ‘for real.’ Is it for the shock value that they can achieve if the team actually does turn out to be a contender? Or is it because everybody over-reacts to every single moment that takes place in sports?
Because just like any sport, whether it be football or basketball or hockey or anything else, what happens in one week usually has no influence on what happens the next week. And especially in this day and age of sports when team A can beat team B. And then team B can beat team C. When then team C can beat team A. Who the hell can tell which team is better? These people that get so hyped up over what team is winning and by how much should just take a moment to recognize that every week is unique and every team has their flaws and their strengths and you never know which one will show up on a given weekend.
Hell, I could sit around and make claims about what teams are the best in the country but until you’ve played them all, none of it matters.
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Other items that I feel like ranting about…
They are making a sequel to the Nicolas Cage film ‘Ghost Rider.’ Does anybody really want this? The first movie had only one redeeming quality. Eva Mendes. That was it.
Apparently, it has also been documented that children who are spanked have lower IQs than children who are not. The article was posted on Livescience.com the other day and it made me think just how crazy we are as a society about studying and then publishing anything and everything that can be looked at.
Also, at what point will people begin to realize that parody movies are no longer even remotely funny? There hasn’t been a decent film in this genre since the original ‘Scary Movie’ and even that was only moderately amusing. Please stop these pieces of crap from being produced by no longer shelling out your hard earned movie to either watch these in the theaters or viewing them on DVD.
I was also thinking about insults we used to use when addressing another person that I haven’t heard that often any more. Words like ‘dickhead’ or ‘gay wad’ or ‘queer bait’ or ‘trut guy.’ Where as a couple of those are probably politically incorrect these days, there was a time when they were kind of funny. And they also paint really weird pictures of what they could actually mean. Just take a minute to visualize what a ‘gay wad’ could actually be.
I was wondering the other day if I could bring the word ‘urpee’ into the lexicon of modern vernacular. A word that means to take a urination break while in an urban setting. An urban pee if you will.
I found myself thinking a bit about ‘eye goblins.’ I will try to explain. Have you ever seen those floating little bits of weirdness crossing your eyes when you are looking around? Just little bits of translucent pieces of matter. Or is it just me? I’m not crazy. Everybody has them.
And also, this weekend, I found out the hard way that playing in a golf tournament that consists of 27 holes in one day is far too much for a person with my attention span. Nine and a half hours of golf consecutively, while fun with the group I was playing in, is way too demanding on my scatter brained kind of thinking.
That is why I have typed this portion of the blog today. Those were the things going through my head as the day went on.
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Finally, Nebraska won again. Yay.
And before you think that I’m not that jacked about Husker football season, I believe that I have said on multiple occasions that I am one of two things…no longer revolving my life around the success of this team and also no longer concerned about where this team is ranked and how everybody else perceives them. I am merely intrigued to see how this team progresses each week and if they are getting better and making games fun to watch. All they can do is take care of what happens during the week of practice and then on game day. That is all. And I will continue to cheer them and watch the games. When the games are over I will go on with my life and be pretty content.
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That is my Monday post. I will try to keep this going as long as I can but with this whole working thing again, the updates may be at weird hours and periodically sporadic. Bare with me while I work out this newfound sense of responsibility.
Until next time,
This is Pete…
Over and out.
I've actually been kind of busy and haven't had the time to do my normal 18 hours of sitting and thinking.
After a quick trip to V-Town and then actually heading back to work, I've been distracted from this site.
But never fear, I am now ready to blurb again. If that is indeed the correct term. Which I'm sure it is not. But I'm okay with that.
Anyway, I'm pulling out a topic that I've been holding onto for a while just in case that I lose my focus or get a job.
And that topic?
Ten Movies That I Want Made
These will be in no particular order. All of these films I have hoped for years would get made and as you read through this you will find that nearly all of them are Sci-Fi, Fantasy or Comic Book in origin.
Because those are films people clamor for. At least people like me. Actually, now that I think about it, most people clamor for these kinds of films. Because they are awesome.
You don't see people screaming for a sequel to 'How Stella Got Her Groove Back' or 'The Notebook 2.'
What they want is having things blow up, girls flopping about and loud noises. And those are the films that I want to see made. You should too.
If any of these ideas are something that you have not heard of, I highly suggest that you Google these items and realize just how brilliant I am.
Here are my ten films...
The Death and Life of Superman
Based off of the comics from the early 90s, we find that Superman has died while defeating a nearly invincible foe. What transpires next is the world without a Superman and the subsequent appearance of four others that either claim to be Superman or are just trying to carry on his works. Both the comic series and the novelization were fantastic to follow and offers all of the requisites for a super hero film.
Shadows of the Empire
A story that tells the tale of what took place between 'The Empire Strikes Back' and 'Return of the Jedi' in the Star Wars universe. And...it...was...awesome. Great new villians. Intriguing new heroes. Action and intrigue and all the glory that Star Wars once represented, before George went just a little nutty. By combining the elements of the graphic novel, the video game and the novel and totally engrossing film could have been made.
Half-Life 2
Yes, I realize that this is a video game and no good video game to movie translations have ever been made. But this story that is woven here is completely incredible and sucked me in for days on end. And it gave me a few weird dreams. Trust me on this, look up the game and see just how creepifying and exciting it is.
Star Wars 7,8 and 9
What the Star Wars universe needed was a sequel trilogy, not a background story to be told where we all knew what happened in the end. We needed fresh new stories and a universe that was still left to be explored. And the 'Thrawn Trilogy' by Timothy Zahn would have been perfect. Just like Shadows of the Empire, the most fresh characters and plot lines have come from writers other than George. Again, we have great villians and some fun new heroes and even a little sexual tension for our lone Jedi, Luke Skywalker. And any time that a Jedi can get jiggy, you've got to make that into a movie
The Legend of Zelda
I've only really played one of the games for any period of time but the stories that appear in these games are something of a sight to see. An evil dude, a princess and an unlikely hero. I guess this film would pull in fanboys of the series, fantasy nerds (like me) and role playing fanatics by the droves in the first month. Pure and utter monetary gold.
A Serenity Sequel
I know that there are a very limited number of Browncoats out there, you know, those people who liked Firefly and Serenity, but the characters that Joss Whedon created were almost instantly glued into your brain. I realize that many of these people now have other solid gigs in life but don't think for a second that they wouldn't come back for a sequel.
An Alien vs. Predator Movie That Doesn't Suck
Two of the most iconic movie villians in the history of science fiction and they couldn't find a way to make a movie that didn't have the stench of poo. Get a good writer and get the damn job done. And then get a good director and get the freaking job finished. I know who should write and direct this film. Me and Samo. That is the way it is.
A G.I. Joe Movie That Doesn't Suck
I haven't seen the new one yet I'm fairly confident at some point that I will. And I'll probably feel the same way that everybody else I've talked to about this film. That it raped my childhool memories with a pogo stick. It isn't that hard to follow the comics, not the cartoon, and pick out some great story lines or some great character backgrounds. This needs to be re-booted and I mean pronto. Again, I know who should do this one. Me and Bradley.
The Incredibles 2
Because it should be made, dammit. They leave us with the perfect jumping point to a new movie. They weave a group of characters together that you actually like. They tell a story that is both exciting and still laced with humanity. Why has this not been done yet? Why, people, why?
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There you have it, just a few films that I want made. Let me hear the suggestions.
Tomorrow, I shall be discussing how to re-boot the economy and have every family in America makes millions from the comfort of their own homes.
This is Pete...
Over and out.
The Huskers lost. Big deal. I got over thinking the world’s continued existence was based on Husker games when I was in college.
I used to not watch Sportscenter for days after a Husker lost because I got so wrapped up in their games. Now, I really don’t care that much.
I still root for the team and love it when they win, but when they lose, I just go on about my day. I guess that these days I have become more a person that watches the games to see what is being done and not emotionally investing myself in them. And I feel much better for it.
With that in mind, let us take a look at a few of my thoughts from the game…
I hope that Roy Helu Jr. keeps playing at this level for the rest of the season. The man ran like a rampaging beast. And then I hope that he does what is best for himself once the season is over. If that means jumping into the draft, then so be it. The kid should learn from others and strike when the iron is hot. If it means that he comes back for a senior season, then that would be great too.
I’m also a little curious if all of the people hyping Zac Lee just a week ago are the same people that are probably barraging sports writers in the state with emails that Cody Green should be starting. Fans are generally a fickle bunch and more than willing to crucify a player for one bad game and spout folksy wisdom that the back-up is the far superior athlete.
Ndamukong Suh is making himself millions of dollars every time he steps on the field, so long as he stays healthy and continues to improve like this.
The defense in general was very stout and I know that people are screaming about nobody getting to Tyrod Taylor on some pass plays but what we don’t know is what goes on in the team meetings. The Huskers entire defensive play could have had a few addendums in it that purely stated ‘just keep the kid in the pocket and don’t lose your rushing lanes.’ After Taylor gashed the Huskers a year ago on the ground, the plan could have very logically been to just contain him and make him beat you with his arm. And since for the most part either Taylor missed open receivers or those receivers just dropped it, it seemed like a good plan.
This is exactly why I told multiple people during the off-season that this team may be very improved from where they were a year ago but they may not have a better record. This is also why I told people that I am not drinking the Kool-Aid people are trying to serve about this team. Until the penalties, mental breakdowns and ability to convert in the red zone begin to be rectified, this team will continue to be just another college football team.
And also take a look around the country at the other teams feeling much more sad than we are. USC. BYU. Oklahoma. All sorts of teams out there that are sitting around, with their National Title hopes currently dashed, waiting to see if other teams will fall in front of them.
Anyway, that is all I feel like talking on that. I’m over it. In fact, it was about 13 seconds after the game was over. Apparently others were not. I heard stories of people punching out walls or just going flat out bonkers when the game ended. Priorities people, priorities.
I also had just a little bit more evidence that I am the worst golfer on the planet. It isn’t even a contest any more. I should hold some sort of cleansing ceremony in my front yard while I light all of my clubs and golf balls on fire and dance around them and chant while they burn.
I had the chance to realize, just a little more, than I need to get back to the theaters and start watching movies when they first come out. I had the opportunity to talk with a friend of mine that recommended very highly that I go watch ‘District 9’ because it is one of the best films he has seen in years. And I trust his opinion. Sadly, I’ll probably have to wait until it comes out on DVD now. I guess I should introduce that movie to my Christmas list.
On another note, I am completely intrigued by what this weather means for us. Does this very mild summer and early fall mean that we will have a very mild winter? Or does it mean that by late October/early November that we will be up to our elbows in snow? Or does it mean nothing. Perhaps I should consult the Farmer’s Almanac and witness what the folksy aphorisms dictate for these kinds of weather patterns.
I will also apologize at this moment that there will not be a post tomorrow, at least very early tomorrow. I will be headed to V-Town for the evening and probably won’t get a chance to write anything else today or tomorrow. So you’ll have to search the archives for anything that you haven’t read before.
Finally, just a random thought…in a golf tournament that is advertised as a ‘Couples Tournament’ does that mean that same sex relationships can play? Because all it says is ‘Couples.’ It makes no mention of the pairing needing to be a man and a woman. I’m just curious. Could two dudes or two chicks play in the tournament together if they wanted to? I’m wondering. Because if so, I’m thinking about asking out Tiger Woods for the next ‘Couples Tournament’ just so that we can dominate.
Anyway, that is all I’ve got today. Enjoy the start of a new week.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
But prognosticating is only fun if you are getting paid for it. And discussing what should happen based on previous results for both teams falls directly into the ‘Aurora Theory.’ Which means that if you try to compare games between teams in order to determine who will win is stupid. Because as we all know, they don’t play games on paper, they play them inside of television sets.
So I won’t be giving any insight into what could or might happen on Saturday when the Huskers play Virginia Tech. I am just holding out hope that the Huskers will win. And even if they don’t, I’ve grown past that part of my life where the victories or losses of a team dictate my mood the rest of the day or week.
Then what will we be talking about today?
The greatest Cheesetastic Action Films Ever…
Oh…freaking…yeah. I’m geeked up right now.
Cheesetastic action films are a fantastic way to waste a little time. Turn your brain off. Watch mindless action and lots of explosions. Hold out hope that there might be a little gratuitous nudity. Wish that there might be some body parts spraying about the screen. That is what Cheesetastic means to me.
All of that is awesome.
These won’t be indepth reviews of these films, if that is what you are looking for. I just wanted to make a list with a few blurbs about each film. If you haven’t seen these films, take a moment to either rent or buy them and just enjoy. Don’t watch these films on cable television unless they are on a movie channel. You don’t want to miss anything that the censors might lop out.
So let us get to the list…
Now, I couldn’t include the following films because they are either on another list I’ve made or I’ve already done a detailed review on them. Such as 300, Big Trouble in Little China, Doomsday and Predator.
So what was left?
15. The Last Boy Scout.
It has Bruce Willis. That is all you need to know. Plus he shoots a lot of people and then does a very, very white dance at the end of the film.
14. Demolition Man.
Sly Stallone and Sandra Bullocks team up to take down a odd follicle hued Wesley Snipes in a movie that is nothing more than explosions, dirty people, enhanced calm and Taco Bell food. What is not to like?
13. Escape From New York.
Kurt Russell kicking the crap out of all sorts of disreputable criminals housed on a penitentiary island that was once New York. And he was wearing an eye patch, which kind of makes him like a pirate. While that is pretty cool, it doesn’t make him as cool as a ninja because ninjas own pirates.
12. Universal Soldier.
Jean Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren duke it out in a cheesenormous display of manliness. They might have actually been lovers who just fell out of sorts but the sheer amount of explosions and gun fire makes you forget all of that.
11. Con Air.
‘What is wrong with him?’ ‘My first thought is…lots (or maybe ‘a lot’).’ That would be my favorite exchange between two characters in this film. And it pretty much summed up the whole plot. Most of the people are so over the top that you can’t help but grin while watching. Plus you get Nic Cage with a fantastic mop of hair saving the world from John Malkovich in this little ditty.
10. Stone Cold.
It starred Brian Bosworth. The Boz. The evil linebacker from the University of Oklahoma tried to jump into the action film genre in this totally absurd film. But he beats people up, shoots guns and rides a motorcycle like the steroid-enhanced beast he was.
9. Under Siege.
It has to be cheesetastic if Steven Seagal actually picks up a former Playboy model.
8. The Transporter (All of them).
Jason Statham rocks the casbah in all of these hyper-kinetic films where he douses himself in oil, uses his shirt as a weapon and breaks a lot of bones. And because it is Jason Statham, we can believe it.
7. Bloodsport.
Jean Claude Van Damme shows up again as he grimaces, screams and does the splits in a film based off of an underground fighting competition. And I’m pretty sure that he uses Jedi-like powers to defeat a man with the largest man pecs I have ever seen.
6. Road House.
Ah…Patrick Swayze. You were the shizz. As the philosophizing bouncer you won the hearts of even dudes who have seen this film. And you tore the throat out of another combatant. Only Patrick Swayze could do that and make it justified.
5. Point Break.
Ah…Patrick Swayze. You were the shizz again in this film. As the bank robbing, surfing radical kind of dude in this film, you actually made Keanu Reeves look credible. And you made President Reagan a badass when you tore a swath of bank destruction across California.
4. Flash Gordon.
Flash! Ahh-Ahhhhhh! Defender of the Universe! You couldn’t find cheesier effects and dialogue anywhere in the world. Not even in a film from the SyFy (formerly SciFi) Channel or something that shows up on Cinemax or ShowTime after midnight.
3. The Beastmaster.
Marc Singer (the star of the 1980s series ‘V’) was the oiled up, loin cloth wearing, sword swinging and animal controlling star that saves the day and probably got a little jiggy with Tanya Roberts (Donna’s mom from ‘That 70s Show’) and that makes him awesome.
2. Red Dawn.
Ah…Patrick Swayze. You saved the world from the commies. Granted, you received a little help from Charlie Sheen (before he found a desire to schnog hookers), C. Thomas Howell, Jennifer Grey and Lea Thompson in accomplishing this task. Still, there probably weren’t more than a handful of boys that grew up around this film that didn’t want to be Patrick Swayze after this film. And save the world from commies.
1. Shoot ‘Em Up.
The title says it all. The entire film is a spastic display of bullets, explosions and completely absurd action sequences. If you watch this film looking for deep story lines and subtle nuances that question the role of humanity in the universe, you are looking in the wrong place. This is the greatest ‘turn your brain off and just enjoy’ kind of movie in history.
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There you go. My favorite Cheesetastic Action Films.
Enjoy the weekend and Go Huskers.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
As I was listening to a prominent sports talk radio program I heard one of the hosts tell his co-host that (and I’m paraphrasing here) ‘football players deserve every dime that they are paid because they go through all of the pain and bruising of a training camp, the regular season and post-season, sometimes playing very hurt but ignoring the pain.’
I had to take a moment to soak all of that in. On the surface, upon hearing this comment, it seemed to be just one guy sucking up to a former athlete and pandering to him in order to swell up both of their egos. And then I rewound my brain and re-listened to this comment from the digital audio chip I had implanted in my head some months back.
After doing this I became just a little put off about the sheer absurdity of the statement.
I’m not entirely sure I can put into words just how irritated I was at these comments. But I’ll try…
By this commentators rationale, athletes are very deserving of the dollars that they are paid because they can play a game well and sometimes do so with pain. Apparently by his reasoning, these people are providing a very valuable service to the country that makes everything better. Apparently, because they are talented athletes they deserve to make millions of dollars purely by putting their bodies through some tough physical workouts.
Now, don’t get me wrong and I am not bashing on sports, spend more than five minutes around me and you’ll recognize just how much I love sports. I’ve watched, played or coached them for the vast majority of my life. I would have loved to been a good enough athlete to play a sport at the collegiate level or even higher. I love to talk sports and to this day I still ponder various coaching schemes that I would run. If the opportunity ever arises for me to get back into coaching, I would take it in a heartbeat because I miss it nearly every day and still enjoy diagramming plays and practice plans just for my own amusement.
But to insinuate that these athletes are ‘deserving’ of this money simply because they put themselves through some physical torment from time to time is absolutely ludicrous.
Let us take a look at why…
These guys and gals that play professional sports literally give nothing to the society. They give nothing. I’ll say that again…they give nothing useful to society because all they do is play a game for entertainment. Yes they entertain us on a weekly basis by doing things that most of us cannot do. But if everyone of them were to disappear tomorrow, life would go on. We would find other sources of entertainment such as books, talking with friends or watching local sporting events. And there would probably be a herd of guys and gals that look just like them who would step up and entertain us just the same.
To put it another way…what would happen if all the teachers, doctors, farmers, etc were to disappear tomorrow? These people grow food, take care of us, teacher our youth and provide other important services for us.
Are they not much more important to the world than these pro athletes?
Because they aren’t on television or being hyped by the vile four letter word ‘ESPN’ they are deemed of less consequence.
And don’t tell me that doctors, teachers, farmers, etc don’t put in their hours as well and many times do so while no feeling at their physical best. They may go to work while sick or injured or having problems in their own lives but they do so nearly every day with no thoughts of getting a pat on the back or having people thinking they are amazing. They do so because that is what they want to do. Not because of the money or the glory.
Doctors, nurses and other medical personnel can be on call for days or weeks on end and have the lives of many people in their hands every day. And while some of those people may be making a decent chunk of change there is always the chance of a lawsuit by somebody for a slight they may have experienced, whether it be real or perceived.
Teachers spend eight hours at a school, then they may coach another few hours, then they get to go home and grade papers, plan the next day’s worth of education material and probably read up on topics to keep themselves at the highest level of knowledge they can.
Farmers may spend almost two thirds or more of a day in the fields as the plant, spray and harvest, just so that we can conveniently wander down to a grocery store and pick up some food to eat.
And what do all of these people get?
Doctors, nurses and other medical personnel are seem by some as ignorant or money grubbing medical hacks that are less informed than Wikipedia or the Interweb.
Teachers are given no credit when a student does well (because obviously in the minds of the parents the student was already gifted and the teacher is probably holding them back) but all of the blame when a student fails (because obviously the teacher has to be a moron, give no mind to the fact that the student might be lazy or just a pain in the ass).
Farmers are seen by some as people that just ride a tractor around all day and then collect money from the government just to wear a pair of overalls.
And I forgot one of the more important groups of underappreciated people…Soldiers.
What do these people provide us? Well, let us take a look. They put their lives on the line nearly every time they go on tour. They have put their own safety aside for the safety of our country. Whether you agree with the conflicts our country is and has been involved in is not my decision to make. But if you don’t appreciate and respect and revere the sacrifices these men and women make then you are a person that should no longer or start breeding.
Every day I wake up I think of a friend of mine who is overseas at the moment and all I think about at times is him getting home, mostly for his family to see him again, but also in a little more selfish note I want to see the guy again and hang out with him to cause trouble.
And what do soldiers get for selflessly putting their lives on the line? The occasional protest of their actions, even when they are doing what they are told to do and doing what is meant to be in the best interest of the country. They get
Yet we hype and defend pro athletes making millions of dollars to play a game when many of us are merely trying to make it through another week of paying bills and stocking our fridges with food.
Oh, the horror for these poor athletes. When they squabble over a contract that might pay them $5,000,000 a year rather than $5,500,000 a year we are expected to side with them because sports networks tell us we should. How can a person possibly be expected to survive without that extra $500,000 dollars? Without that extra money they couldn’t afford that third Mercedes. And how can you go on without that?
And to make matters even more fun, I read this morning that a player making $13,000,000 this year will be fined $2500 for his role in brawl the other night. To me, $2500 is a ton of money and seems like a lot but when put into perspective, this fine is the same as a person making $50,000 a year being fined $9.62. Ouch. The pain he must be feeling right now.
Anyway, that whole comment just kind of set me off for a bit.
Like I said, sports is something that I have always enjoyed and will always continue to enjoy. But to insinuate that they ‘deserve’ all of this money is ludicrous. Once again, they play a game for entertainment, not for the betterment of the world or society. I’m sure we’d all find a way to move on if professional sports were to disappear. Perhaps the next time one of these athletes is bickering about an extra $500,000 or so, they should remember that there are a lot of us out there that would be happy and able to get by on a fraction of their salaries.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
Yes, you read that correct. I have a partial job.
Take a moment to soak that in. I am at least partially gainfully employed. So I am no longer a jobless, wannabe writer hack. I am now a part-time working wannabe writer hack.
And I should mention that through this job I now have the power to remove your citizenship if I see fit. Okay, I might have made that up, but it would be really cool if I could do that.
Anyhoo, enough about that. Let us get to the topic of the day…….
As I have looked back on my life and seen the things that I have seen, done the things that I have done, offended the people that I have…I took a moment to think back on the best places to visit in the state of Nebraska.
Now, granted, this is from my own weird view of the world but I think that every person should partake in these arenas at least once in their lives.
As much as I have a predilection for making lists, this will be in a random order. Possibly saving the best for last. But who can tell? I’m unpredictable like that.
Places and Events
Waterfalls around Valentine…
Smith Falls. Fort Falls. Snake Falls. All of them unique and gorgeous in their own way. Maybe they are not those falls you see in South America or around New York but they are incredible. Plus, you could definitely film a few cheesy music videos with buxom women standing under them. In fact, I may write a song just so that I can do that.
Big Apple Fun Center in Kearney…
Outside of some of the more corporate places in the world, there aren’t a great number of places where you can bowl, play pool, play sand volleyball, drive go-karts, play miniature golf, hack on video games and drink alcohol for a cheap price. This place was one of the great hang-outs in the history of the state. Located in Kearney, you could do pretty much anything here. Except get naked and run amuck, which a few friends of mine found out the hard way. Which I could also be lying about. But it was also this place where I finished in the top 3 in the country on a trivia contest. That’s right. Using the name ‘Obiwan’ I dominated all but two people in the county. I rule.
Niobrara River and tubing or canoeing…
Let me count the positives. The chance to drink while floating leisurely down a river? Check. The chance to help add nitrogen to water sources by peeing where ever and whenever? Check. The chance to possibly see a bunch of city people cut loose and flash or streak? Check. What is there not to like? Take an intertube or canoe and just relax for a day while you drift aimlessly down a body of water. If you have never done this, book your flight to the Valentine Airport tonight for next summer and get ready for a weekend of fun and games. Of course, unless you have your own plane, you will probably need to drive to Valentine to float down the river.
Eager Beaver Days in Beaver City…
Just because the name is so fun.
Memorial Stadium on a home football Saturday…
There is no place in the state like this place during the football season. Or even just walking by the stadium. There is an aura about the place and even though I think there are far too many fans that treat their tickets like a chance for a social outing rather than a chance to scream and cheer and make Memorial Stadium a truly foreboding place to play for opponents, there is still something about watching a game there. From the tunnel walk to the school song to the Sea of Red, there is a reason that Memorial Stadium and Tom Osborne Field are a place everybody needs to experience at least once.
The Volleyball Coliseum…
It is old. It is cramped. It is distinctly lacking in seating. But if you’ve seen a game here, there might not be a louder place on the planet. Plus, you get the chance to see one of the best collegiate volleyball teams in the country play…in skin tight spandex. Which is also nice.
The World’s Largest Porch Swing…Or Is It…
Just because I could add it. Once you see this thing you will wonder why in the world somebody actually thought this was a cool idea. But still, it is a fairly clever idea to get your town on the map.
Carhenge
In the category of ‘What The Hell Were They Thinking?,’ this had to rank right at the top. Let me just break it down for those of you who don’t know what this is. In the panhandle of Nebraska, some guy took a bunch of old cars, painted them gray and then used them to reconstruct the famous monument in England. It is a staggering achievement of either mechanical ingenuity or sheer boredom. But it is a sight to see.
Omaha Burke during State Track…
With every class competing over two days, the incredible number of races, field events and athletes that one gets to see is amazing. The colors of the entire state and people from all corners of the area gather to watch kids bust their butts in one of the more demanding athletic contests. Whether you have an athlete or a friend or relative competing is of no consequence because every year you get the chance to maybe see somebody break a record or do something that makes you just say ‘wow.’ If you gave the me the choice between the state championships of football, basketball and track and told me that I could only attend one of them, I would choose state track every time. It is that cool.
Comstock Rock
Back when this thing was still a viable rock concert, this was a place to be. Herds of cool bands (many of them from the days I was in high school), vendors selling all sorts of food and other crap, and thousands of sweaty people (many of which have been doing nothing but eating and drinking in lawn chairs for three to four days) made this a riot of an event. It makes me a little sad that this event has pretty much gone the way of the dodo. But maybe once again, like the phoenix, it will rise.
Czech Days
I had no idea how big this thing was until I saw it for myself. The entire town of Wilber is besieged by literally thousands of people, all of them looking to either embrace their heritage or just get loaded for a couple of days. You can see parades, dances, sporting contests or just sit in a friend’s yard and play games. And every moment of it is worth it.
Henry Doorly Zoo
This is my favorite place in Nebraska to visit. From the very moment I walk in this place, I go all higgledy-piggledy with geekness. From the Rain Forest building to the Desert Biome and the Kingdom of the Night to the giant Aviary, there are tons of sites to see. You can ride the train around the entire complex. You can feed Chinese Carp. You can visit the petting zoo and grope random animals. But for me, this place comes down to one exhibit…The Aquarium. Penguins and Octopi and Sharks…oh, my. The experience of watching sharks swim over your head in the aquarium is both an exhilarating and terrifying moment. And I can’t get enough of it. In fact, I think that I may go there right now.
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There you go. A few cool places or things to see in Nebraska. And I’m spent.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
You can buy service plans for recently purchased shoes at a certain chain of stores, a chain of stores that I unfortunately did not hear. You can get coverage over color fading, sole wear and tear and other such problems.
Now, since I don’t have TV and get all of my information from friends, the Interweb and the radio which means this is news to me. I’m not sure if it is to you or not but I had to scratch my head for a moment after hearing this.
Does this cover broken shoelaces? Frayed shoelaces? Broken shoelace eyelets? The smell of freshly stepped in dog crap? This is information I need to have. I am generally brutal on shoes and being able to get a service plan would be a nice little perk in life.
Anyway…
This weekend commence another weekend of college football as well as seeing the rest of the football world, the NFL, join the party. Finally, we can stop even pretending that we care they are playing baseball.
And since we have another football weekend upon us, I shall be making a few ‘FEARLESS FRIDAY FORECASTS.’
Here we go…
Duke will cancel their football season after they are crushed by Army on Saturday. Either that or they will scrimmage their basketball team in a game of football, in an attempt to gain some confidence. And they will lose that game as well.
The announcers in the Florida/Troy game will reference Tim Tebow and his worldly endeavors 798 times and mention that he is the greatest college football player in history at least 135, thus causing Charlie Ward, Doug Flutie, Barry Sanders, Tommie Frazier, and many other decorated former college football players to pile in a Winnebago, drive to Gainesville and take over the booth by punting the announcers into the stands.
The winner of the Notre Dame/Michigan game will automatically jump into the top 10. Because Lee Corso waved his pencil (a real pencil, not the other one) menacingly and Lou Holtz thed tho.
UCLA/Tennessee will feature more shots of the dueling tool coaches than all of the players combined. And the over/under on the number of shots of Lane Kiffin’s wife is 48. But I’m not going to complain about that.
In the Bowling Green/Missouri game, Blaine Gabbert will make one play that causes one announcer to spontaneously make up adjective about how incredible the play was and that he will challenge Colt McCoy for all league honors. Even though the play was fairly routine and the Missouri fans forgot what a real quarterback looked like after having a short, fat kid for their quarterback the past few years.
ESPN will sportsgasm from the USC/Ohio State game so viciously that all televisions will short out for 24 hours. As for the game itself, the announcers will reference Ohio State’s ineptitude against big time opponents no less than 56 times and provide seven different graphics and 14 different highlight packages of sluggish Ohio State defenders chasing faster players. And then, for some reason, be it fate or karma, Ohio State will win the game and ESPN personalities will be leg humping each other non-stop for a week (because they love them some Big Ten) while Petros Papadakis and the rest of the Fox Sports Radio guys that love USC will repeatedly ram their heads in the wall in abject sadness.
Northern Arizona and Arizona will also be dueling. I have no real reason to mention this game except for the chance to mention that the mascot of Northern Arizona is the Lumberjacks. Which gives me the chance to mention things like ‘chopping down some wood.’ As for the game itself, it may set offensive football back a century.
Colorado will continue their streak of utter and complete sucknormosity in their game against Toledo. Thus setting the stage for a ten game winning streak for the Buffaloes to end the season, therefore meeting the prediction that Dan Hawkins made before the season. At least for a week as they beat Wyoming and only until they are unceremoniously destroyed by West Virginia, Texas and Kansas.
Finally, in the North Carolina/Connecticut (Uconn) game, the announcers will make 19 comments about what a great basketball match-up this game would be if the teams met on the court, either men or women.
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There are my fearless picks for the weekend.
And as an added bonus, here are a few more dealing with the Huskers…
Roy Helu Jr. will have a couple of runs that will cause Kent Pavelka to use his name in the same light as Mike Rozier, Ahman Green and Lawrence Phillips.
Zac Lee will continue to improve and make some plays that will get people all sorts of tingly thinking that we have the next great Big XII quarterback. And yet, Cody Green will enter in the fourth quarter, make one huge play and Nebraska newspaper columnists will be inundated with emails from those same people tingly over Zac Lee claiming that Green should be starting right now.
Ndamukong Suh will hurl a lineman for Arkansas State into the crowd during a pass rush. And then eat all of his back-ups in a gesture of dominance.
Matt O’Hanlon blows up a receiver with a huge hit. Like a Jason Statham delivering a roundhouse kick and rendering a person headless, O’Hanlon will destroy some poor sap on a crossing route. Write it down.
Bo Pelini will chew a piece of gum so hard that the pressure on the molecules of the gum will actually become the first physical evidence of cold fusion.
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And I’m spent. Enjoy your weekend, whatever that might entail.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
No…it was because of an article that I stumbled across while perusing the Interhighway.
Perhaps you are familiar with the plight of a woman named Jaycee Dugard. If you are not, Google the name and read for yourself.
Anyway, a columnist for the Orange County Register took a moment to write a little article that dealt with her. And by ‘dealt with her’ I mean that he wrote an article that is meant to tell her all of the things that she missed over the last 18 years while she was in captivity. And it was meant to be funny.
Just take a look.
http://www.ocregister.com/articles/worl
And if you do read the article, be sure to peruse the comments afterwards. They are priceless.
Now, I am a person that gets a little worked up over things from time to time. If something is fantastic or if it is stupid, I will comment. If something is amusing or a staggeringly obvious sight that needs commented on, I will.
But when something is tragic or horrifying, I would never make light of the situation. And anybody who does make light of tragedy is the lowest form of human, even below Sciento……no, I won’t go that far.
Allow me to post for you the email that I actually sent to the author of this article……..
Your article on Jaycee Dugard was one of the most horrific and offensive things that I have ever read. How could you even think using this topic as a chance to look back on the past 18 years of sports was an even remotely intelligent idea? I felt sick to my stomach reading every single word of your article.
Did you even consider what the family went through? Did you even consider that making light of their ordeal would be a poor decision and that this poor woman will possibly going through years of therapy just to deal with what she went through? Did you even consider that sports are merely a diversion for people and not the most important thing in life and to relate what has happened over the past 18 years to being kidnapped and held against your will was maybe it might have been in poor taste to do so? Did you even think, even for a second, that this family and woman will never be the same and that sports are just a silly series of games that we watch? And did you even consider how reading an article like this might have felt to you had it been your daughter?
You, sir, are a disgrace to everything in the history of all printed words. You are a joke and a horrible, horrible person who will now find yourself with a very special place in a very special part of Hell.
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Okay, so maybe that was a bit overly dramatic. Or maybe not. Who can tell. But I was severely disgusted that a hack like this gets paid to write for a living and that this article was even considered as real journalism.
The man should be fined, suspended or even flat out fired. Plain and simple. This was a disgraceful article that should have never been printed in any form, outside of his own twisted and sick mind. And the editors that allowed this drivel to come out should be reprimanded as well. For them to take a look at this and say ‘hey, this seems pretty good’ only compounds the ineptitude of the entire article. Most likely, he and his editor should be canned on the spot. Then let him and his editor read later about all the things he missed in journalism while they were scrounging for a job with this black could hanging over them.
I know that I have written things that not everybody has agreed with and that some of those things made some people very angry. But never once in my life have I ever used a horrific event such as the Jaycee Dugard capture and violation as a moment to find a way for comedy to come forth.
I know that we have this little thing called ‘freedom of speech’ but when the OC Register’s own website states in the comments section that ‘People who harass others or joke about tragedies will be blocked’ and then allows this article to be posted should take a look at their own words as well.
If he had just done a post about the last 18 years of sports and related it to a high school senior, that would have been perfectly acceptable. But to do this in relation to what a woman missed because she was kidnapped was in the poorest of tastes.
He has since done a quick interview where he expressed shock that people were so offended and then quickly turned around and posted an apology for the article. But when you just spoke in an interview that you still deem your piece valid, does the apology really carry much weight?
Sorry for the downer to start the day but I’ll try to come back with something more lighthearted later.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
It was actually for a job opportunity that I may snag. So bite it if you thought I was actually evil.
But while I was waiting for this fun event to occur something dawned on me…
What if you could only have 5 CDs?
What if you could only have 2 video games for a handheld device like the Game Boy or PSP?
What if you could only have 3 magazines?
What if you could only have 5 books?
And those were the only things that you could have to entertain yourself, aside from legal pads of paper and a pencil.
I found it very thought provoking because I then sat down and thought to myself what would I want to have. And is the customary procedure for me when these thoughts hit me, I had to grab a piece of paper and start making a list of things, crossing some off, adding others, crossing them back off, and generally pondering for several long moments as I tried to debate on what I would want to entertain myself.
I didn’t have a particularly difficult time deciding on the CDs or video games but the books and magazines did give me bit of trouble.
So let us take a look…and then I would love to hear your own suggestions…
5 CDs
Def Leppard - Vault
Bon Jovi - One Wild Night
Sum 41 - All The Good Shit
Poison - Greatest Hits
Meat Loaf - The Very Best
I wanted to hit on mostly greatest hits albums from bands or artists that have had multiple songs that I have always enjoyed. So for the most part, I stuck with more classic rock groups but many of Sum 41’s songs were things I just couldn’t pass up.
And Meat Loaf was an absolute necessity.
2 Video Games for the Game Boy
Final Fantasy IV
Mario Golf
At first glance these may seem a little bit lame because I didn’t include a football game or shooting game. And that would be a valid point except that I didn’t want to play a football game and be squinting at the screen the entire time to see what the hell was going on. As far as shooting games go, I didn’t want a game that would be constantly pissing me off and make me want to throw the game across the room.
So I decided upon a pair of games that I could play over and over. And that golf game is a riot of a good time and very simple to learn and master. Therefore it is easy to enjoy. And the Final Fantasy game has been one of my favorites for years, as many of you know, therefore it is something that I must have.
3 Magazines
Sporting News College Football Preview
Sporting News College Basketball Preview
Science Illustrated
I chose the science magazine because I am a dork. But I chose the sports magazines because you could read through them for weeks while you look at and debate on the predictions these periodicals make. And that could give you hours upon hours of thoughts to ponder over.
5Books
This section was brutal for me. I have read a herd of books in my day, not as many as some people, but more than most. Some were great. Some sucked so bad that black holes formed in parts of the universe.
But to narrow down the list of books that I have enjoyed to a mere five was a difficult task. I had actually planned on posting this blog earlier today but the book quandary kept me all in a spasm for some time.
Did I want fiction? Did I want non-fiction resources? Did I want graphic novels?
Such a hard decision for me. So I decided to go with a combination of all of the above.
I bypassed many of the classic novels in history because if I only have five to use, I want entertainment that fits my odd personality. So prepare yourselves to be horrified by this list…
Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton
The Stand by Stephen King
Phantoms by Dean Koontz
How Did It Really Happen?
Crisis On Infinite Earths by DC Comics
I know what you are thinking…where are the classics such as Huckleberry Finn or The Prince or Tale of Two Cities?
They are on the cutting floor.
I had to go with books that I have special affinity for. I read Jurassic Park in high school and could never get over the dinosaurs. I read The Stand in high school and loved the apocalyptic vision it had. I read Phantoms and in college and it gave me a very solid case of the heebiejeebies. I wanted How Did It Really Happen purely for the look at some historic events of momentous power. And I wanted Crisis On Infinite Earths purely because it was a great compilation of comic books in one fantastic graphic novel.
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So that is what I would ask for. What do you want? Let me know…
This is Pete…
Over and out.
What I want to do today is discuss a few older films, and by older I mean things I saw when I was growing up that at the time seemed pretty cool.
And what amazed me was how bad these films really were. I’m talking total stink bombs that barely even made me giggle on a subsequent viewing in my later years.
I might take a bit of abuse for two of them from a few of my friends that might still hold these films in very high regard, but I’m okay with that. Because they are wrong and I am right. And they know it.
First off…
Wildcats
Several dozen posts back I might have mentioned this film as having a special place in my heart from my formative years. And it still does. If only because I can recall watching this movie in the basement of a friend’s house almost on a weekly basis, like some sort of weird ritual. And we would guzzle cans of Mountain Dew and eating pizzas for hours (we had high metabolism so we could away with that) while we watched this film, then called girls and ran around the streets like idiots.
So the film does hold some nostalgic allure for me.
Then I saw it again the other night for the first time in many a year.
And it was insanely stupid.
Where to begin?
Let us start with the football action itself. So badly choreographed and filmed that it almost defies logic. Players change races in the middle of scenes. Players execute their plays and look one way. The same player then takes off his helmet and his body type is completely different. There practice routine resembles something more from a movie like ‘Bring It On,’ ‘Footloose’ or some other inane dance oriented movie.
After watching the montage of Goldie Hawn putting football players through the course of their drills, I almost coughed to death on an Altoid (even though they are curiously strong, it wasn’t because of that) as I watched what seemed to be an audition to be a Chippendales dancer.
It kind of reminded me of this…sorry for the quality…but it still reminded me of this…
Or it was actually like this…
Pay particular close attention to the stretching routines they do. What…the…hell…is…that? How freaking stupid was that? I can’t even begin to explain what would have happened at any football practice I have ever seen or been a part of had a coach done that. He/she/it/they probably would have been laughed off of the field and lost the respect of their players for ever. And ever. And…ever.
And there is a single coach in charge of all of those guys. Where were the rest of them when they were doing drills? This can’t be productive use of time when only one to three athletes are participating at a time. I’m irked at the total lack of constructive time useage these poor athletes are being subjected to.
But at least they can line dance.
Now, there are other points that I could mention that make this film utterly ridiculous but I shall refrain. I still want to keep the happy thoughts in my head from this film.
Real Genius
Val Kilmer was brilliant in this film. Absolutely hilarious. Any scene he was on his own in or hassling some poor professor were priceless back then and they still are now. I looked at myself after this film and said, you know what…this Val Kilmer character has the acting chops
And then there was his sidekick. Eesh. Double eesh. Triple Infinity eesh.
Actually, as I think about it, he might have been the main character that the story revolved around. I won’t make any rude comments his appearance, which was less than manly, but I will comment that he achieved levels of whining and crying that have only been seen when Dakota Fanning is on screen. His voice and acting were like watching an elementary school class play?
He was also supposed to be 15 years old. Fifteen and he is a college student. Not unheard of. Some people are just smart like that.
But what disturbed me was that one of the female students, who was…special looking, took and shine to him and made out with him and presumably more.
Did I mention he was fifteen? So basically this movie was encouraging underage groping. I’m not saying…I’m just saying.
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Anyway…those were just a couple of films that I saw when young and thought they ruled. Now I’ve seen them again and can’t believe how much of a sheep that I was.
What did I miss? What would you add? Let me hear the thoughts.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
But what I most certainly am is a realist and critical thinker. Keeps those thoughts in mind as you read today, especially the latter portion of this.
Saturday night, the Huskers took on the FAU Owls. After a remotely competitive first half, the game got out of hand very quickly in the second half.
Most of you already know that Nebraska rolled to a 49-3 victory on a gorgeous evening in Lincoln. That point is not in question. And, no, I won’t go on hashing out oodles of stats and all the blah blah that goes with them. Even though I love stats.
I just want to take a look at how the kids (and I can call them ‘kids’ because I’m probably at least 13 years older than all of them) played and then get your thoughts.
The offense was vanilla flavored yet still fairly adequate. The running game functioned in the second half and the passing game, while still aimed mostly at high percentage passes when they threw, was effective yet again.
Zac Lee looked very sharp, especially early on. His passes were on target nearly every time, save for that interception, and he seemed to use the right amount of touch whenever he needed to. He managed the game very well and it appeared that he had been starting for years, not just making his first start wearing the Husker scarlet.
Roy Helu Jr. was a beast man…again. He may have started a little slowly but once he got his wheels spinning, the man ran with speed, agility, power and passion. He might be pretty special before it is all said and done. And Rex Burkhead didn’t look so bad either.
The inexperienced receivers showed some decent hands (better than expected) and some better moves. This group, if they continue to improve, could end up giving teams something other to think about rather than just Helu and the tight ends.
The defense played soundly, for the most part. A few breakdowns in coverage or assignments here and there but nothing traumatic. In fact, it was far fewer breakdowns than we saw early on last year. This team is beginning to really understand what it is the Pelinis want from them. They tackled well, pursued the football with speed and made some great breaks on the ball in open spaces. They will eventually have to get better pressure on the quarterback but it looked like FAU was holding a number of people in to keep their quarterback from being planted by any Husker defenders.
Now, my analysis after one game…
This team does appear to be improved and for many of the reasons that I mentioned above. From top to bottom, with the coaches and players alike, this group looks as though they are all getting more comfortable with the system and the expectations that each have, on themselves and for each other.
But before we all go running and screaming in joy that the Huskers are back, or that the Sooners lost or for any other reason, let us temper our expectations.
Myself, I was jacked to watch the game and see this newest incarnation of the Huskers but I couldn’t become overwhelmed with joy from them beating a Sun Belt (I think) Conference team. Here is why…
First, FAU was not a very good football team, at least not on Saturday night. Crushing them in that manner was a common occurrence that we all expected to happen every Saturday, even against other BCS opponents, in the years gone by. So thumping them is no great feat, even if they end up going to a bowl game.
Second, we have been tempted by thoughts of greatness before only to have the team lose momentum or confidence or other any other intangible that could cause disaster to strike the team’s record. Remember 2007? That team was ranked early on, thumped a non-BCS team soundly in the first game and then the wheels can completely off the bus after the disaster against USC. And that 2007 team was coming off of a 9 win season, a berth in the Big XII Title Game and a New Years Day bowl. This team is coming off of a 9 win season and a New Year’s Day bowl berth and just got done thumping a non-BCS team in the first game. So before we go all higgledy-piggledy with joy, let us remember that there are a number of games still to play.
Third, this team, while very young and also very talented is just an injury or two away from a whole herd of either true freshmen or red shirt freshmen being thrust into a full time job in the lime light. If Zac Lee or Roy Helu Jr. or Ndamukong Suh were to go down you’d be looking at true freshies or some other very young person in a very important position for the success of this team. Just ask Oklahoma. That team completely melted down after Sam Bradford was hurt. Granted, they were playing a pretty good BYU team, the argument remains that a team with such incredible recruiting year after year couldn’t overcome the loss of their starting quarterback. And Nebraska, while picking up some very talented athletes the last few years, is still looking for depth at a number of spots.
Fourth, and I have already mentioned this a few times, these guys are really young. Really young. Youngsters, no matter how talented or well coached, will make mistakes. They might right to the occasion against the big opponents but they may also fall on their grills against the lesser oppononets.
Now, I’m not insinuating that Coach Pelini and his coaching staff are anything like Bill Callahan and his but we need to temper our expectations at this point.
The only way that one can get excited is if this team continues to improve and not plateau after a few weeks. Many of us have seen teams or played on teams that rushed out of the gate only to trickle off as the season wore on. This team must continue to show increased abilities on the field if we are to see this team playing in the Big XII Title game or even on New Year's Day.
And with Missouri, Kansas and Baylor looking to be very difficult road trips, this team has its work cut out for it.
Luckily for them, the Huskers that is, they have a man in place that will accept nothing less than perfection from them.
That alone makes me intrigued to see what happens the rest of the season, even if it is with tempered expectations. But it will be fun. Because football season always is.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
And it is about time. For the past eight months we have had nothing but practice footage, recruiting discussions and depth chart analysis as we have waiting anxiously for the beginning of another football season for the Huskers.
With the positive and happy feelings left over from the end of last season, people have been gleefully looking forward to the commencement of this season.
We have seen our program partially rebound from the Bill Callahan experiment and start to re-insert itself into the consciousness of the collective college football world. The Huskers are working their way back to the world of the other relevant programs.
Will they be better this year? Probably. Will the record be better than last year? That is a large question. Even though the team is more prepared for the systems that they are going to face and, more importantly, prepared for the systems that they are running, the record may not reflect that. The schedule has more than a few potential pitfalls but also more than a few opportunities for that huge win the Huskers have so desperately looked for the last few years.
But as we prep for this new season, I have to admit something. A thought has been stuck in my head for some time and I have been waiting for this day to unleash it on the world.
I have seen a number of great Husker teams play in Memorial Stadium but I have only seen the team play angry twice. And by ‘angry’ I mean ‘absolutely pissed off and furious about something that was on their minds.’
Yes, the team and the crowd (amazingly enough considering the number of people that tell you to sit down and stop making so much noise) have been electric on a number of occasions.
Such as against Oklahoma in 1993 on a very frigid day, when Trev Alberts destroyed his elbow. Such as against Kansas State in 1997 during a night game, which tends to bring out the crazy behavior. Such as against Texas in 1998, even though the Huskers lost, that Halloween crowd was in a frenzy.
But there are two games that I can recall a kind of energy from both the team and the crowd that I have rarely seen.
Both games that I recall, I was actually in the stadium for these moments and there was just an air about the game, a swagger about the team and a fervor in the crowd. There was an emotion ripping through the stadium that I’ve never seen before.
The two games?
1995 against Arizona State.
1997 against Akron.
Allow me to explain why these games will always stick in my mind.
1995 Arizona State…
Just after all of the fiasco with Lawrence Phillips and the wrongly accused Damon Benning, this team had been blasted by the media and ripped by opposing fans on the still burgeoning internet.
For a solid week, all ESPN and other sports outlets had done was crucify this team and the coach, Tom Osborne.
And then came Saturday.
The crowd was in a frenzy, not only because this team had the makings of being the best ever, but because they, the players and coaches and fans, were tired of the slandering of the program.
I still recall where I was when the first play happened. Beneath the stadium. Waiting for the jackholes in front of me to find their seats. So I watched the first play on the television monitors but what I saw was this…
Clinton Childs, a man who probably ran the 40 yard dash slower than most defensive ends, takes a pitch and heads around the left side. And there was nobody there. Not a soul. Because they were all on their backs trying to figure out what train had just hit them. Childs would sprint 65 yards for a touchdown in a game that wasn’t even as close as the 77-28 score would indicate.
It was the perfect beginning to a game that said to the nation, you can mock and accuse us all you want but we are by and large a good group of kids and we are tired of it.
This was one of those days where Nebraska could have hung 100 on them if they had wanted to. After 686 yards of offense and 63 points in the first half, there was little doubt this team was going to play with a little bit of a chip on their shoulders for the remainder of the season.
And just in case you forgot how good that team was…
1997 Akron…
It was the opening game of the season and Nebraska was coming off of, God forbid, an 11-2 season in which they didn’t get a chance to play for the National Title after a loss to Texas in the inaugural Big Twelve Championship Game.
It was 95 degrees that day and the heat around the Astroturf of the field was something like a billion degrees. People were getting carted off with heat stroke left and right.
I even watched an Akron linebacker hork what had to be gallons of Gatorade all over the field. His coaches must have been telling him to hydrate in the heat. They probably didn’t expect him to rehydrate the synthetic grass of the field.
Anyway, the crowd was electric. I’ve never been to a game where the crowd was that vocal and ready before a game even started. And it was against Akron, hardly a national power. The crowd was so into the game from the very start that you could have sworn the Huskers were playing the National Title that day. It was as if everybody wearing red in the stadium that day wanted to expunge the memories of the previous season in a single game.
And I saw Eric Piatkowski sitting a few rows in front of me. I occasionally hollered a random ‘Pike’ just to see if he would turn around.
This was a Husker team that wanted to announce it was back on the National Title Stage and that they did. From the 644 yards of total offense to the iconic touchdown run by Joel Makovicka, this team started the season with a bang. And just in case you forgot that run…
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But it is memories like those that keep us coming back. The thoughts that every team has a shot when the season begins. The thoughts that your team will be someplace special at the end of the year.
Will this Husker team be the team that brings us back to the forefront of collegiate football? Who can tell.
With road games at Virginia Tech, Colorado, Missouri, Kansas and Baylor (I know…gasp) and home dates against Oklahoma and Texas Tech, the schedule is not one that is particularly cushy for the Huskers. And with a team that has more than its share of Juniors, Sophomores and Freshmen ready to contribute significant amounts of time, this program could still be a year away.
But for now, everybody has the warm and fuzzy feelings that we could be special this year. And that is what makes college football so much fun. Until you take the field, you have no idea what can happen.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
I was occupied by a giant road trip that I felt the need to undertake. It was a basic necessity and I had to do it. So I gathered up all my most needed staples and jumped into the Blue Bullet and jaunted across the country with a single task in mind.
After a friend of mine suggested I discuss the possibility that beer prices will be going up and what that could mean to our already fairly depressing economy, I decided that I needed to drive to a major brewery and debate the situation with the CEO of that company. The company will remain anonymous so that they don’t feel bad about the situation. Or so that I won’t get sued for publishing this very realistic exchange between myself and he. Or she. It was tough to tell what gender they were.
Let us get to the transcription of that dialogue.
And this was hastily churned out after I reviewed my notes from the trip. Notes which I only kept in my head, and sort of on a small notebook. So there wasn’t very much room for notes. In the notebook. Not my head. That is immense. In my own mind.
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First off, I walk into this giant building that just smells of awesome. Now, I’m not entirely sure what awesome smells like but it has to be a little bit like the odor that this place gives off. Something like the pure cross between money and fermenting alcohol.
As I walk into the building, I am first confronted by a frail looking secretary that cheerfully greets me and asks my name and my business there. She is far too cheery and I fight off the urge to relate all of the horrifying details of the world in which she lives just so that I can bring down her level of joy.
I respond that I am ‘Pete’ and I am there to interview their CEO about recent allegations of sexual misconduct with a turkey. She stares back at me more than a little strange and pushes a magical button on her console that conjures up the voice of somebody that seems to be a little menacing.
I was not able to dissect the conversation that she had with the menacing voice but she immediately shepherds me away in the company of a pair of large people with the destination either the office of the CEO or a place where I am going to get whacked about the neck and shoulders with large sticks.
Luckily for me, it was the office of the CEO. And not the whole getting whacked about thing.
I plop my delectable tushy (and it is delectable and you all know it) down in a comfy chair across from this enormous desk full of family pictures and large trophy-type things. By the way, his wife was hideous. Like a troll with a tube top on.
Anyhoo…I sit down and wait for the boss person to show up. As it turns out, this person was not quite the intimidating presence that I thought he would be. His voice did not match up with his physical appearance. It was kind of like seeing the voice of James Earl Jones in the body of Warrick Davis. If you don’t know who those people are, just Google them.
I flip out my notebook that I carry with me everywhere and begin to conduct what I deem to be a very compelling interview with this person of power.
Me: I would like to thank you for seeing me. This is a very special moment in my quest to be a real writer.
CEO: You mentioned something about allegations about turkeys?
(His voice was incredible though…like a deep base with a sort of resonance that just sticks with you. I was immediately enjoying this conversation and I decided at that moment to try and get as many words out of him as I possibly could)
Me: That was just a front. I needed to hornswoggle your secretary so that I could get in. I want to talk to you about your product.
CEO: What the hell does hornswoggle mean?
Me: I’m not sure. But I’ve heard people use it in a connotation that seems to indicate that they have fooled someone else. Plus it has more two syllables and that kind of word tends to confuse most people.
CEO: Interesting. But I must give you credit here for getting past her.
Me: Thank you. I do what I can. Now, on towards the problem at hand. You are sure you are fine with this impromptu interview?
CEO: It is not a problem. We like to see what our consumers are thinking.
Me: I’m not a consumer of your product.
CEO: Excuse me?
Me: I’m not a consumer of your product. I don’t really like beer that much. It kind of makes me sick and causes me to have really weird dreams. Like dreams about snakes and above ground pools and pregnant farm animals. I’m more of a liquor guy these days.
CEO: Uh…what? Then why…
(I cut him off before he can derail my train of thought. We just can’t have that sort of rudeness while I’m trying to ask him questions and detail my fascinating life.)
Me: A friend of mine thought this would be a fun topic. And I needed a road trip.
CEO: Well…
Me: So, you realize that if you raise beer prices you will be forever hamstringing a very large portion of the population, don’t you?
CEO: What?
Me: You are putting a potentially life-threatening damper on a certain demographic. You know it.
CEO: I don’t really understand. We are recognizing the fiscal responsibilities of continuing to brew our product and taking the appropriate measures to keep our product at its highest level of quality. And keeping our employees taken care of because they are very important pieces of our operation.
Me: You are still killing a large portion of the population. And that was a very eloquent response. I’m getting a little jittery here just thinking about your business-babble.
CEO: I still don’t understand what you are talking about.
Me: Ugly people. If you raise the price of beer, you are hurting the ugly people.
CEO: How is that even remotely relevant? And it seems a little crass to refer to people as ‘ugly.’
Me: Shall I explain?
CEO: Please do.
Me: They won’t get to have sex anymore.
CEO: I’m confused.
Me: I’m sure that you are. Allow me to continue.
CEO: If you feel that you must.
Me: Ugly people need alcohol. They need it to have sex. As we all know, alcohol lowers the standards of what kind of person you look for and it also lowers the inhibitions. If you jack up the price of beer, ugly people will no longer have the chance to hit on other people.
CEO: Ugly people don’t need alcohol to have sex.
Me: So you are admitting that there are ugly people in the world?
CEO: No…
Me: Anyway, there have also been multiple studies done that people deemed ‘pretty’ by society also make more money than others. Which means that ugly people are also less financially well off. Therefore, they can’t afford to pay for beer if the prices are jacked up. You are denying them a basic human right.
CEO: I’m…what right is that?
Me: Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Beer makes people happy. Of course, some people just get angry and say stupid things and pick fights but most people just get happy and loud. And that is happy. Now that I think about it, I have a suggestion for you.
CEO: I’m not sure that I want to know.
Me: I’ll tell you anyway. Can you put some sort of special chemical in the beer that will make everybody happy when they drink?
CEO: I’m not sure that kind of thing actually exists.
Me: I’m sure that it does. I’ve seen movies. They exist. How else could Tobey Maguire become a superhero? Or Edward Norton become the Hulk? There are chemicals that can do amazing things. You must have some of them.
CEO: Are you right in the head?
Me: I think so. (His eyes are darting about furiously at this moment as he is looking for a way out of this conversation). But that is not the point. Where do you keep your funny stuff? You have to have some sort of secret lab where people design these things.
CEO: We don’t really do that.
Me: Okay. (I wink furiously at him). Is it possible to find a way to inject the flavor of cheese or bacon into your beers? Because that would make them like a little meal every time you pop open a can.
CEO: I think I have another appointment to get to.
Me: Is it in the secret lab? (I wink again). Where they inject cheese, bacon and happiness into beer?
CEO: Is that my pager? (He says as he fumbles around his desk trying to look busy, all the while furiously punching a series of buttons).
Me: I’m sure it is. (I am quite sure that at this point he is secretly contacting his security members with some sort of mind control powers that he puts in his beer.)
CEO: Well…it was nice to meet you.
Me: You are still killing the ugly people. Let that soak in while you try to sleep at night. I hope you feel good about that.
CEO: Um…sure.
After I stood up and tried to slink out of the building, the same pair of menacing people that escorted me down the hall to the CEO’s office, greet me as I exit the door to the office and they rather rudely hustle me out of the building. And by ‘rather rudely’ I mean that they tossed me out of the door to the building in the same manner that you would toss a hay bale onto a flat bed.
I dusted myself off and then reviewed my notes and tried to determine what it was that I learned from this meeting.
****************************************
Okay…so most of that was false. In fact, all of it was false. It was just an excuse for me to be random again, if at least for a few moments.
So what did I learn from this ficticious (Is that even a word?) pondering of a trip based upon talking to beer people about why they might raise the prices of beer?
I did have a thought or two…
Such as…
A cheap six-pack of beer can cost five dollars, which might be rising, that can give you anywhere from a couple of good buzzes to one good buzz depending on your alcohol tolerance.
But for the same price one can also snag a bottle of booze that will give you the opportunity for several more buzzes.
Which means that beer companies will be wagering their profits on the fact that people love the taste of beer more than just getting a little chemical alteration.
And if all they care about is the buzz, then beer will go out the window because dollar for dollar, you can get more buzzes (and considerably less bloating) from drinking liquor rather than drinking beer.
Which will then cause all beer drinkers to either continue to pay for an expanded price of their beverage of choice or choose to dive into cheaper liquor and still enjoy a night out.
The decision is up to you. I will be going with liquor. Because I can.
That is my take. As weird as it was...and I'm sure it was pretty weird...and a little bit disturbing. But I'm okay with that.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
Chemistry between the leads. A banter back and forth that makes you care about the characters. Powerful personalities that draw you into the story. Iconic characters that anybody on the planet might actually recognize. Or just crap that makes you laugh and pump your fist while the good guys blast the crap out of anybody who stands in their way.
***Sidenote***
I will be eventually addressing the suggestion posted by a friend the other day. But I have to stick to my schedule that I deemed necessary. At least for another couple of weeks.
I realize that I think today is supposed to be a Video Game day but I haven’t done my research yet. We will be addressing that topic tomorrow.
Anyway…
Back to the point. I took a look at the movies I have seen over the years and put together a list of the groups or duos that I deemed the most powerful in terms of characters and pure coolness.
I tried to include mostly characters that have a certain immortality in the history of movies but there were a few fliers that I took, mostly because some of the movies have a special place in my heart.
So, without further ado, I present to you…
THE ELEVEN GREATEST MOVIE DUOS/TEAMS IN THE HISTORY OF FILM…
11. The Crew of Serenity (Serenity).
Let’s run down the roster: A burdened but noble captain, a first mate that could kill you with her pinky, a pilot that is an utter smartass, a mechanic that is a hot chick, a hired gun that finally does the right thing, a doctor and his sister who are being chased by the law, a preacher that definitely has more to him that what is on the surface, and a professional escort that is most sophisticated of the group.
From the word ‘go’ in this television series and more importantly, the movie, this crew sucked me in. The interactions between members of the crew and the things they would do for each other tucks at me each and every time I watch any other their visual productions.
If you haven’t seen the show or the movie, I highly suggest doing so.
10. The Crew of the Satellite of Love (MST3K).
Whether it was Mike or Joel, along with Tom Servo and Crow, these three personalities and their commentary on movies was what made for fantastic viewing.
Their mockery and commentary on some of the worst films in history kept me laughing for days. Trust me on this.
From their irreverent humor to their commentary on the world around them, these guys/things made for a fantastic couple of hours of entertainment.
9. Bob and Doug McKenzie (Strange Brew).
One could possibly rank useless duos such as Beavis and Butthead or Jay and Silent Bob alongside of these two but never before had a duo incorporated so many catchphrases into my lexicon of terminology.
Hoser. Eh. Take off. You knob. I gotta pee so bad I can taste it.
All quotes that one can use from these two in their famous film ‘Strange Brew.’
From their absurd, singular outfits to their total obliviousness to everything happening around them, these two manage to save the day, despite their not knowing what they are doing.
And anytime a guy can drink an entire vat of beer and then pee a fire out, that is worthy of mention. If you don’t get that, then watch the movie.
8. Harry and Lloyd (Dumb and Dumber).
There is indeed a duo of useless personalities that can outrank Bob and Doug. Harry and Lloyd.
These two idiots find a way to blunder their way across the country with a briefcase full of cash and get themselves totally engrossed in a myriad of shenanigans, all in the attempt to land a dream date for Lloyd.
Along the way they nearly kill a man by way of heartburn (then by accidental rat poison ingestion), spend $1,000,000 dollars on fuzzy boots and day glow colored tuxedoes, ride cross country on what was nothing more than a scooter, drive a fuzzy dog van, suffer from epic diarrhea, and manage to blunder up a chance to be oil boys for a bunch of bikini models.
In short…they were epic.
7. Neal Page and Del Griffith (Planes, Trains and Automobiles).
What do you get when you take an uptight business man and a slobby door-to-door salesman and ask them to travel across country?
One of the greatest and touching comedies of all time.
Back when Steve Martin and John Candy pretty much ruled the world with their humor, these two comedic giants combined to make a film so fantastic that small mammals would combust just from being in the vicinity of anybody viewing the movie.
The uptight Martin and slovenly Candy played off of each other so well that you could have sworn they were actually making the trip in real time.
Plus, this film gave us epic lines such as ‘those aren’t pillows’ and ‘how about that Bears game.’
6. Danny Ocean and his Crew (Ocean’s Eleven).
How they ever managed to make this film is something of a mystery to me. The combined salaries of these guys was probably more than the GNP of most countries.
But this group of characters had so much chemistry with each other that there really isn’t a dull moment in the entire film.
With a group that included a slew of hustlers, some mechanical egg heads, a computer nerd, a demolitions expert and a very nimble littler man, there is no way that these guys weren’t going to accomplish the job.
This is, without a doubt, still one of my favorite films of all time.
5. The Sandlot Kids (The Sandlot).
This film rules. These kids rule.
Without a doubt, this film was so enjoyed by myself that I named my two little fuzzy children after characters in this movie.
Whether it was the camaraderie displayed between the characters or the situations that most of us could picture ourselves in, this film showed the best of what could be had while growing up.
This group of characters always makes me flash back to the days of yore, when I was playing silly sports in a yard or large field with the Moe boys, or Davis boys or anybody else that wanted to participate in our shenanigans.
And that makes them very special.
4. Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh (Lethal Weapon).
I tried to stay away from mentioning any characters or films from my ‘Manliest Movie List’ but these two were absolutely necessary inclusions.
With the manic personality of Mel and the ‘by the book’ kind of cop Danny portrayed, these two were the perfect combination.
Plus, they blew up stuff, shot lots of bad guys and made Gary Busey a bona fied bad ass before they skewered him as well.
3. C-3PO and R2-D2 (Star Wars).
If there is a more iconic pair of characters in the history of cinema, I can not name them.
As the comic relief and instigation for the entire Star Wars mythos that we have now, these two will live on for eternity.
With a rigid and timid C-3PO and amusing little R2-D2 (if we could have only understood all the things he was saying), these two are possibly more recognizable than any other Star Wars character, outside of Darth Vader.
2. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid (Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid).
Paul Newman. Robert Redford. With guns.
Do I need to continue?
From a standpoint of shear star power, I’m not sure there is a more formidable grouping in the history of film. These two rocked the screen right off of its hinges from the very beginning. Their banter back and forth and the action scenes were something that defined the possibilities of what could be done with film. From their jump off of the edge of a cliff to the train job they pull to the final epic shootout, these two are something special.
And I look at the pure awesomasity of these two, I can’t even believe there is another team/duo that could possibly outrank them.
1. The Ghostbusters (Ghostbusters).
No other movie is so rich with quotes and epic characters than this film. There is no argument here.
Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Ernie Hudson and Bill Murray. That was your cast. And not since has there ever been such a conglomeration of comedic and acting talent. I don’t care what you say.
And from the opening scenes with the immortal quote ‘Get her’ to the quotes near the end of ‘Let’s show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown’ or ‘Nobody steps on a church in my town,’ these guys dominate the screen and have ingrained themselves in our minds.
There has never been a film in my life that so tickled my funny bone but also had a few scary moments which actually made me jump. From the very beginning of this film, the Dan, Harold and Bill show they that are having a ton of fun with each other and when you toss Ernie into the mix, the film reaches a crescendo that has rarely, if ever, been matched.
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Tomorrow, myself and my herd of collaborative writers will return with another Video Game installment. Probably the Greatest N64 Video Games.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
So what did we learn over the weekend?
Not much, to be quite honest.
But I did learn one very valuable piece of new information. Actually, it wasn’t new information. It was merely information that was reinforced in my head.
I suck at bowling.
I mean suck hard. I’m not so ignorant as to imagine that I’m any good at this sport. I am terrible and I recognize it. My mere contribution to the sport sets in back a century or so.
Those of you who know me well realize that I’m a pretty honest kind of guy. If I see something that is worthy of commenting on, I will do it and do it as honestly as possible. So when I say that I am not good at the game of bowling, you might get the impression of just how bad I am at it.
I am terrible at bowling. So terrible at it that children who walked past the bowling alley while I was playing were compelled to break down in tears and run for the hills.
And that my friends, is depressing, when you know that your skill at a game causes children to cry.
You might be asking yourself…Pete, if you are so bad at this game then why did you subject yourself to playing it? Because some friends of mine needed me to. I now hate them. But they needed me to be there and participate on their team. And because I’m such a giver, I acquiesced to them request and brought my rather unique mantra to their sport.
That mantra? Throw it hard in case some pins get in the way. And by doing that I must admit that there was nearly a problem for me. I had to fight off the urge to use the lavatory for more than a few hours. So I was rather concerned for the majority of the games we played that I might poo myself when I was tossing those big balls down the lane. I found myself clenching my tushy more than a few times because one of the few lessons that I have learned over the course of my life is that pooing yourself in public is not a good decision. Not that I have done it but I know friends who have. And I didn’t want to be that guy.
During the course of the game I also tried to eat my hat out of frustration. I literally put the hat in my mouth and tried to chew it into small pieces. And since it was an old and skanky hat, it did not taste very good. I decided to spit the thing back out and replace it on my head. Of course, that meant that I had a smelly, now slobber ridden hat on my head. And that was kind of gross. But I dealt with it.
Since I sucked so horrifically at this game, my mind began to wander about to other topics to keep me from losing what little of my mind I have left. That wandering only took place during the times that I wasn’t doing what I tend to do best…hassle other people and mock myself to give them a grin.
So where did my mind wander while I was fruitlessly flinging smooth round rocks down a strip of oiled up wood? Hold on…oiled up wood…that makes me grin just thinking about that term.
Anyway…
As I was waiting for the bowling to be done my mind began to meander to something I dreamt about.
Now, I must first premise that my dreams as odd as hell. I’m not sure if it is just that I am a little off in the head or that I eat things after a certain hour that I should not be consuming.
Regardless, these dreams are just a little kooky and it made me ponder one thing based on one of them.
What superpowers would I like to have?
Well, since I am a guy that reads comic books, watches a ton of sci-fi movies and television, writes his own weird tales and generally just dreams about a world where I could do things that physics deems impossible…I guess I have a few ideas for what I would wish for.
The power to make people spontaneously combust.
Because there are a few out there that I would love to do this to. But since I am not an evil person by trade, I would also carry with me a fire extinguisher so that I could put them out. And then I would let them know that I am a giving person who just wanted to demonstrate my power. Also whatever they did that caused me to channel this new power should be considered an act that they don’t want to do again lest I have to repeat the action. I won’t mention the people that I have targeted, because I don’t want to be on any lists, but a great many of them are in Hollywood and need to stop making crapnormous movies.
The power to shoot lasers from my eyes.
I realize that most of the X-Men fanboys/fangirls are mostly Wolverine fans but I was always a Cyclops guy. And the chance to shoot lasers, or whatever it is that he shoots, from my eyes would be fantastic. I would carve my brand into anything and everything that I wanted. Probably most small mammals would be my targets but I would also find the need to brand my StickDude logo into multiple other things as well. Because I could. I have lasers for eyes.
The power to turn into a puddle of pudding.
Now, I know what you are thinking. Why in the hell would you want to be a pile of pudding? Allow me to explain. You could ooze yourself into pretty much an crevice and infiltrate a building at will. People couldn’t hurt you because you would be an amorphous blob of gelatinous muck that just allowed any damaging blows to pass right through.
The power to turn invisible.
Now, if we ignore the physics of the entire matter and pretend that Einstein was wrong about his conclusions, then the shenanigans you could engage in would almost limitless.
I won’t go into the things I would do with this power because they will either get me in trouble with my personal life or they will get the federal government on my trail.
The power to generate a pizza whenever I want one.
Because I get hungry from time to time and needing an oven to heat up is far too time consuming when I feel the need to gorge myself on a delicious dish of cheese, sauce, crust and meat toppings.
The power to turn methane into gold.
Because if I could do that then I would spend a great amount of time eating only refried beans. Then I would be rich. Awesome.
The power to shoot fire from my hands. ,/b>
Like those of you who know me didn’t see this one coming. I only would use this for good. Like starting the firepits at a few of my friends houses. People would be scrambling for a match or lighter and I could just channel my powers and watch the flames burst forth. I could be the most popular guy in town.
The power to short out karaoke machines if the singer is terrible.
If for no other reason than to stop drunken crooners from killing my ear drums. I know I can’t sing and that is why I don’t try karaoke. If you think you sound great in the shower, it doesn’t necessarily translate that you can sing in public. So don’t. If people are cringing in the crowd while you belt out nothing that even remotely resembles singing tones, then I would be forced to channel this power.
The other powers that I want would be far too weird to list here. So I’m spent.
****************************************
So what did we learn this weekend? I suck at bowling. I have weird dreams and want special powers. Not that I don’t already have some special powers. Like the ability to irritate people at the drop of a hat.
Tomorrow is movie day. Get ready. I have a topic ready to go. That’s right…I’m already ahead of the ball game. I’m that prepared.
Until tomorrow…
This is Pete…
Over and out.
And what a tremendous week it was.
Let us jump into the Wayback Machine and just take another gander at what happened. And even if you don’t want to, we are still going to. Because I can.
So we now take a brief look back, through the course of a few blurbs I hacked out in a matter of minutes, at what has transpired over the past five days or so.
The Favre Goat
Ah, Brett the goat. And I don’t mean Brett Favre sucking it up the other day. I am referring to a goat found in the trunk of a car being driven by a 24-year old male and 21-year old female and a child. Um...okay...not sure that could be real. This can't get any more weird, can it?
Oops...yes, it can...
The goat was painted purple and yellow with a number ‘4’ shaved into its side and stashed in a trunk. Um...er...what?
The articles that have been published and radio programs that have addressed this particular situation have claimed a couple of conflicting purposes for the goat. It was either going to be sacrificed as some sort of Favre voodoo doll or it was to be dinner. Um…what? Which of these ideas actually seemed like a good idea? Were they loaded to the bejeezus when they came up with either of those plans or whatever the real purpose for the goat was? At what point did maybe they think this plan of transporting a goat in the trunk was a poor idea?
I’ll let you look up the details for yourself because every time I read an article on the topic, the whole thing just becomes more bizarre.
Thankfully, the goat was discovered by some mechanics when they heard a weird thumping in the trunk and now the goat resides on a nice farm in Wisconsin. Probably prancing and singing with the rest of the Disney animals.
Green Toilets
There has been some discussion in a few of the scientific sites that I hit up regarding whether or not we are making adequate use of our human waste. And I'm not talking about trash and recycling...unless you are talking about recycling something brown and stinky.
Should we be doing a more effective job of turning human fecal matter, tons of which is flushed away every day, into a viable source of material in this current state of dwindling resources?
Just imagine…
Poop insulated houses. Poop powered cars. Methane gas gathered from flushed away poop. Poop powered houses, all natural, all the time. Poop plates and place settings.
The potential is staggering. And also horrifically gross.
KFC Chicken Bun Sandwich
I realize that this is a story that many people may have already heard about but I didn’t see this story until mid-week. I don’t have television. I missed all the reports on it. Big whoop. I’m a little behind the times on some of these things. You wanna make something of it? And you know you don’t because I already described my fighting style the other day and if you didn’t read about it then you should go back and learn what you would be going up against.
Now, on paper this looks like a dream. Bacon and Cheese mushed together and squished between a pair of friend chicken breast patties. I think I just peed a little thinking how glorious this is.
And then the reality of this item began to set in and what it could do to your body.
I don’t think that I need to explain why this is not a particularly healthy item. And if I do have to explain it to you, then by all means, go nuts and eat as many as you want. They won’t hurt you. Trust me.
Barack Obama’s Summer Reading List, How It Influences Sheep And What It Means About Him
My first response was this…why the hell should I care what Obama is reading? Does it influence me at all and what I want to do in my life? Does what he reads mean that suddenly the economy will be magically cured? Does it mean that he is a closet transsexual that prances around in high heels and a pink tutu? Does it mean that he is now more influential and powerful than, dare I even say it…Oprah?
Any way, I could give a crap less what the guy reads because I will read what I want no matter what.
Next question…
Later Starting School Times Discussed…Again
I think that I have read a new article or study on this topic every year since I was in high school. This topic is kind of like Paris Hilton’s career. Every time you think it is gone it finds a way to squeeze itself back in to the vision of the public.
The question always goes like this: Are the ‘biorhythms’ of children and teens physiologically different from adults in that they need to start their days later?
Blah, blah, blah. Your kid is tired during the morning and sluggish when they get to school because they are staying up all night jacking around on the computer or texting somebody or calling somebody or playing video games.
Here’s a novel idea…go to freaking bed at a decent hour. Biological clocks can be altered to fit any schedule. It is why some people can work third shifts or why doctors, nurses and other hospital personnel can work the night shifts.
So turn off all of your crap and go to bed. Crikes.
School Color Bud Light Cans
Bud Light marketed a line of cans that were colored in the same schemes as certain college programs. A scarlet and crèam colored can was produced, much to the chagrin of Tom Osborne and most other athletic directors and colleges that saw their colors appear on cans.
And why would they be so upset? First, I do not believe that Anheiser Busch consulted any of the colleges before enacting this marketing campaign. Second, even though no school names are used, it was fairly obvious what school was being utilized in an attempt to rake in more beer money.
And why else would they be so upset? Well…let us take a look at the next topic…
Study Suggests Alcohol Ads Target Teens
No shit? Really? Alcohol companies would actually do this? This is shocking news. I am flabbergasted and need to take a good, hard, long look at everything that I thought I knew.
Of course some of the ads might appeal to teens.
Whether they are using humor, incredibly hot people or depicting situations where a people appear high class and sophisticated, these ads are making the drinking of the beverage seem awesome than a room full of ripped Hulkamania shirts, courtesy of Hulk Hogan.
And when these ads appear in nearly every magazine and constantly during commercials, they are more than simply available to teens. They are a constant barrage on the senses.
So one can understand a little bit of why T.O. and others would be a little peeved at this little Bud Light promotion and feeling that alcohol companies might be trying to influence their underage persons into drinking before they are legal.
Because we also all know that not a single person in the history of college or high school would have ever consumed an alcoholic beverage before they were legal, had it not been for subversive advertising campaigns.
Hold on...a booze ad is in the Sports Illustrated that I am reading. I suddenly need to go buy some Coors Light, along with a pair of Lee jeans and enroll myself in the University of Phoenix Online.
Michael Vick Made His Return
I’ve already discussed my thoughts and feelings on Michael Vick so we won’t get into that debate here today.
He played some and apparently looked fairly sharp in his debut. I don’t know about you and I’m not looking to get flamed for this statement, but I am personally hoping that he gets his chance to succeed. Because if he makes the most of this chance he will have a much better chance to influence and educate people on the error of his ways and do much more charity work and public relations. As long as he is squarely in the public eye, he can at least attempt to help put a halt or at least lessen the amount of dog fighting that takes place.
My First Fantasy Football Draft Of The Year
If being a movie, comic, video game and science nerd wasn’t enough…I also play fantasy football. I know. I’m a huge winner.
But on Wednesday night, I gathered with three other friends to sit about, mock each other and draft our players online against eight other individuals.
It was a hoot.
Allow me to explain.
Two of my friends had computers that wouldn’t let them make any picks. The computers either kept freezing or they wouldn’t let them open the draft window. So there was a ton of cussing and sympathy inducing looks coming from both of them. And I did the only thing I thought I could do to help them…I laughed at them.
There was more than a few comments of questionable nature made to people, both in the room and through the chat window. The comments ranged from questioning of a person’s manhood (of which mine was more than crushed a few times but I knew that was coming) to tormenting of people for what were perceived as a terrible pick.
There was that one nerd in the room that kept referring to his fantasy football guide in an effort to keep one step ahead of the rest of the teams. And I thought I was a nerd. He out-nerded me by a sizeable margin. At least on that night. And then he went home to his wife and I became the social outcast once again.
My brother reveled in the fact that multiple Cincinnati Bengals were picked.
I reveled in the fact that I was able to remain conscious long enough to finish the draft. Apparently Old Milwaukee’s Best Light is a sleep inducing beverage. Perhaps I should have been cranking down the Amps or Red Bull instead. At least I managed to fill every roster spot.
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There you have it. That was just a small glimpse of what happened this past week.
Back on Monday with some more random crap. It might be high time for the greatest sights in Nebraska. Or maybe I’ll just ramble about something else.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
Oh, yes, manly movies. Sorry this was delayed. I was otherwise occupied and I hashed this out as fast as I could to satiate my readers. I apologize if the descriptions are not as in depth as they should be.
Anyhoo...Let us continue on with the top ten manliest movies of all time…
10. 300.
Yes, there are a few homo-erotic tones from this film but the shear brutality of the action and the beastly people that populate the screen warrant a very high ranking.
Legs are lopped off. Heads are removed from their torsos. Boobs are displayed. People scream war cries at high volumes. Did I mention that boobs were displayed?
Perhaps those previous comments might also describe a football practice but they also effectively convey the atmosphere of this movie.
And it has glistening gentlemen that exude more cool than all of Eastern Europe combined. Which made me feel kind of weird and excited at the same time.
I need a moment to watch some porn to get my ‘straight’ back on.
Okay…I’m back. On with the list.
9. Die Hard.
Bruce Willis might have ruined action films forever with this film.
He was so over the top and so bad ass that nobody in the history of cinema will ever match the oozing of manliness that he had in this film.
Walking on broken glass in his bare feet and then pulling that glass out? Yes, he did it. And he was witty in the process. Shooting a guy in the groin while crawling under a table while being witty in the process? Check. Finding a way to stash a gun on his back with paper that is held there with all of the sweat and blood from his trials? I believe that happened. Getting the estranged wife in the end because he is such a bad mambajamba? Hell yes, he did it.
Yippee ki yay motherfusher.
8. Platoon.
Tom Berenger. Willem Dafoe. That is all you need to know.
But wait…we also have John C. McGinley (Dr. Cox from Scrubs, which makes him infinity times infinity plus one amounts of awesome), Keith David, Forrest Whitaker and Tony Todd (the Candyman and the owner of one of the best voices in the history of speaking) all appear in this film as well.
The depiction of this war and the interactions between characters is brutal to watch at times but the sheer magnificent of the images that appear on screen is something to behold.
7. Aliens.
This time…it is war. That was the tagline for the trailer of this film. And they were right.
Sadly, the Colonial Marines have no chance against the acid blood possessing, tongue with teeth, freaky tails that can stab you Xenomorphs but they do give them one hell of a fight before all but one of them succumb to the onslaught.
Michael Biehn, Lance Henriksen (I may have spelled it wrong yesterday), Bill Paxton and a herd of other bad, bad people populate the screen in this one as they fight for their lives against an enemy that is merely there to kill you, lay eggs in your chest and then watch you explode.
And did I mention that the greatest female protagonist in history was in this film?
Sigourney Weaver. I have ruminated on her accolades in the past but in this film she takes everything that you think is awesome and she craps on it as she takes the level of awesome to a new level.
She runs around the entire end of the film with a pulse rifle/grenade launcher taped to a flame thrower as she roasts, blasts, detonates and eviscerates every alien that she comes across.
Between the massive gun battles, beastly aliens, staggeringly incredible imagery, nuclear explosions and people getting torn in half, there is no way that this film is not manly.
6. Black Hawk Down.
I don’t even know where to start with this film. The first time I saw it I sat in stunned silence the entire time. And for me not to speak for over two hours is quite an accomplishment.
The story centers around of a group of soldiers in Somalia, circa 1993, trying to capture some top commanders for a Somali warlord.
And then stuff goes bad. A guy falls from a helicopter. Two Black Hawks are shot down. And now the soldiers give up everything to attempt to reach the crashes and help their fallen comrades.
The depiction of what soldiers will do for each other is some of the most compelling and humbling images that I have ever seen. I can watch this film every day and just marvel at what some people are willing to do to protect the freedoms that we have. I can’t say enough words to convey how much I respect soldiers.
With a cast that includes William Fichtner, Sam Shepard, Ewan McGregor, Ron Eldard, Eric Bana, Tom Sizemore, Jeremy Piven and Josh Hartnett…this film has a herd of guys that may have actually done a bit of justice to what the real soldiers in this conflict went through.
5. Gladiator.
The film is called Gladiator. What is not manly about that?
Brutal scenes in the Coliseum where the slave gladiators fight chariots, lions and tigers and bears (oh, my), legions of troops are some incredible sights to behold. Each and every one of the arena battles are something that you just can’t take your eyes off of.
While it might not be the most accurate depiction of how history went down it is still a film that will jack you up with the brutality displayed on the screen.
Russell Crowe may be the titular character but he gets a huge boost from the supporting characters when they are battling for their lives.
4. Braveheart.
I’m not sure I blinked the first time I saw this film.
Another film that might not be the most accurate depiction of history, this one still was beastly to watch.
Mel Gibson and his cronies hack and slash their way through scores of English soldiers as they try to secure freedom for their native land.
This film breaks down into a few thoughts for me: The battle scenes are horrific and mesmerizing at the same time. The speeches and rants that Mel Gibson goes on are some of my favorites in all of cinema history. The ending ranks right up there with the end of the original Star Wars.
Plus you’ve got a herd of guys running around in kilts, mooning the English and then hacking their heads off. What is not manly about that?
3. Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.
IT WAS HARRISON FREAKING FORD!!! That is all I really need to say.
But I shall continue. His bullwhip cracking in the air. His cold-blooded shooting of the sword swinging man. The riding of a submarine. Beating up Nazis. His admitted fear of snakes. Using his whip to drag himself behind a speaking truck.
All of those are so manly that I can’t even begin to put into words how manly they are.
And then the Nazis had their faces melt. Which was also cool.
2. The Dirty Dozen.
Charles Bronson. I’m not sure I can even continue after that name. He is such a bad, bad man.
But then we also have Lee Marvin (who helped Chuck Norris save the world in The Delta Force) and Jim Brown (arguably the greatest running back in the history of the NFL).
So how do these three beast people, along with nine others all come together? Well…you take a herd of military convicts and mix them together, teach them how to infiltrate a Nazi party and then let them loose on the world.
And it was awesome. So awesome that Vin Diesel had to go get a testosterone injection after viewing the film because he felt so diminished in a manly sense.
You know from the start that all of the soldiers aren’t going to make it but because of the way they develop the interactions between the soldiers and develop their characters you either feel bad that one of them bites the dust or you are so glad that somebody takes a bullet to the brain pan.
And what is not manly about 12 guys going on what can only be construed as a suicide mission and them finding a way to make sacrifices for each other and complete the mission?
1. Predator.
Ahnuld is the manliest man ever and there is no doubt that a film of his would rank at the top of my list.
Throw in the fact that Carl Weathers (Apollo Creed from Rocky), Jesse the Body Ventura carting around a mini-gun and a herd of other weapon toting men occupy this film and you have the manliest film in history.
How do I begin to explain how this is the manliest film ever?
Is it because of the huge weapons? Is it because of the scene where they mow down half of a forest with their weapons? Is the over the top violence and crazy action scenes? Is it the standard Ahnuld one-liners and other quotes that can be gleaned from this film? Is it the singular alien killer that has some of the coolest weapons in the entire universe? Is it the body parts and blood that fly about the screen as people are dispatched by both humans and the alien alike? Is it over abundance of biceps that flex in this film?
Is it all of those?
Probably.
From the opening handshake between Ahnuld and Carl that caused more women to spontaneously get pregnant to the finishing gigantic explosion, this is the manliest film in the history.
And you know it.
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There was my list. Let me hear the backlash that I know you are all thinking.
I'm ready for it.
This is Pete...
Over and out.
But I digress. What makes a ‘Manly Movie?’
Really, I think it comes down to just one or two criteria. Does the lead protagonist or antagonist exude so much testosterone that women watching the movie get pregnant with septuplets? And does the situation or premise of the film lend itself to totally manly situations?
That is all you need. Granted, the movie must also be pretty decent. I tried to stay away from the cheesy or ‘dumb fun‘ manly movies unless they are so over-the-top manly that they couldn‘t be ignored.
I will be doing a post later on dealing with the greatest cheesy action films of all time to catch up on some of that pure awesomeness that I missed here.
I realize that I am probably not the most qualified person to list a bunch of ‘manly’ movies. I am probably the least manly person in the world. I don’t know how to work on or fix up cars. I‘ve only been hunting a few times in my life. I can barely change a light bulb. Toss in the fact that I can’t fight worth a lick (when I’m cornered I begin to flatulate uncontrollably in an attempt to ward off my attacker with a cloud of stink, just like a skunk) and I’m forced to use my wit and guile alone to survive.
Now that I think about it I did once shoot some skeet, albeit very badly, but I did terrify the crap out of those things with the sound of my shotgun.
Anyhoo…
This will be a two part list, possibly continued tomorrow or Friday, possibly next week. It will be in two parts because I just couldn’t lop a few of these movies off of the list.
I realize that there are a number of Clint Eastwood western-genre films and other films like ‘The Wild Bunch’ or ‘The Magnificent Seven’ but they are films that I have either seen incompletely or barely at all so I couldn’t just go on blind faith. Once I get around to seeing these films I will probably amend my list. Or maybe not.
The List…
20. Jaws.
Man versus beast. The ultimate battle. And this beast just happens to be a 25-foot long, 6000 pound behemoth that eats everything it comes across. Granted Roy Schneider (R.I.P) and Richard Dreyfuss aren’t the most intimidating characters ever but Robert Shaw’s epic portrayal of Quint more than makes up for it.
The three together do make a formidable trio of personas and even though it is quite apparent that Quint is the Alpha male of the group the other two have their moments where they rise up to meet the massive ichthyologic menace before them. And that, my friends, is manly.
19. Conan.
It is Ahnuld. Does there need to be another reason? And he has a huge sword, made of metal you pervs, that he brandishes with such aplomb and fervor as he lops off the heads and other parts of his enemies.
As the titular barbarian in this movie, Ahnuld announced his presence with authority from the word ’go.’ He slices and dices anybody who crosses his delicate demeanor, he schnogs the pretty ladies including one rather creepy witch and eventually wins the day and is named king. Awesome.
I nearly forgot to mention that James Earl Jones, aka the voice of Darth Vader, is the evil snake king that burns Ahnuld’s village to the ground and causes all sorts of havoc in the land. And if you can pull off doing that to Ahnuld without immediately having your head removed from your shoulders, then you make a film manly.
18. The Thing.
One of the reasons that this is such a manly film is because there is nary a woman in it. Just a bunch of dudes. So by the strictest definition, that is a manly film.
And Kurt Russell and Keith David. Two of the Alpha Men of the planet.
You include a horrific transforming alien along with these two arse-stomping beast men and you have yourself a manly premise of trying to figure out who is an alien and trying to kill them until they die from it.
17. Glory.
Yes, Matthew Broderick is the star of this film and he is mostly known for being Ferris Bueller but this gritty story of the first all black Civil War regiment is a gripping tale.
From the very start, when a man’s head explodes as it is hit by a cannonball and you see the horrific conditions that doctors tried to operate in, this film draws you in.
With supporting characters, that carry the film as much or more than Broderick, like Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington and Cary Elwes, you know you have the formula for manly.
The battle scenes are brutal at times to watch as you see the shear horror that a Civil War battlefield must have been like. Sacrifices are made, respect is gained and although the ending is not exactly what you would expect it is still some of the manliest stuff I have ever seen.
16. Tombstone.
Kurt Russell, Sam Elliot and Bill Paxton are the three Earp brothers with Val Kilmer playing the hacking Doc Holliday. The fire power of those four actors alone would make this one of the most manly films in history.
But then one must consider that Powers Boothe, Michael Biehn, Thomas Haden Church and Charlton Heston all make some sort of appearance in the film as well.
The combined power of those men all appearing in a single movie caused multiple births to occur around the world nine months after this movie was released.
The shoot outs, including the epic scene centered around the O.K. Corral, are the stuff of legend in the history of film.
One would be remiss if I didn’t at least give a cursory mention of the delightful Dana Delany appearing in this film is well. She is yummy.
15. Lethal Weapon. (basically the entire series, but mostly the first one).
One of the first buddy cop movies, it stars the always manly Danny Glover and the pre-crazy Mel Gibson as duo that beats down drug dealers, South African cheaters, slave traders and other unsundry characters through the course of four films.
The later entries kind of tail off on the manly scale but the first two are by far some of the most testosterone inducing hours of your life.
Big guns, big explosions, pithy one-liners, evil bad guys, car chases and tasteful nudity make these manly.
14. Rocky series.
Sly Stallone, Carl Weathers, Mr. T, Hulk Hogan and Dolph Lundgren all show up. That is group of names is so manly that the entire NFL just decided to join the WNBA.
Do I really need to explain why this film is manly? Okay, I will…
The fights are the stuff of legend but when you also consider some fantastic training montages and big music, you have no choice to consider these films manly.
If you didn’t cheer at some point during at least one of these films then you have no soul.
13. Terminator and Terminator 2.
Ahnuld appears again.
But he is not the only thing that is manly about these films in his portrayal of an emotional cybernetic killing machine.
Michael Biehn as a very mortal, human soldier willing to give his life to save the future of mankind.
Robert Patrick as a liquid metal cyborg willing to stab people in the face with his arm blades.
Linda Hamilton as the second baddest female character in the history of cinema doing pull-ups in the cell she is confined to in the crazy house.
Lance Henrickson in a brief role as a cop and just being Lance.
Add in a dash of big shoot outs, creepy flash forwards to the future, disturbing dreams of the a nuclear holocaust and more explosions than you can shake a stick at makes these movies manly.
12. The Road Warrior.
A post-apocalyptic wasteland of the future when bands of S & M bandits rove the countryside is the setting for Mel Gibson to once again kick some ass.
People lose body parts, are lit on fire, get shot with all manner of weapons and things blow up. That is manly and you know it.
While this may be a very bleak vision of the future, this is also one of the great action films of all time. Once the action starts, it doesn’t stop. From the very get go, the tension is palpable while Mel attempts to find his way through this desert of humanity in a singular quest to find gas to keep his bad ass car running.
While Mel is not necessarily your typical hero, he does the heroic things even if they are not always for the best of reasons.
And he fights with a broken leg and his body beaten down to a pulp. That is manly.
11. Rambo: First Blood II.
Sly Stallone is back. And he is pissed.
In a mission to locate MIAs still in Vietnam, Sly declares a one man war against some Vietnamese and Soviet soldiers in his attempt to free the prisoners.
He blows up nearly everything and everyone in this quest. He shoots a man with an exploding arrow. He uses up nearly a billion rounds of ammunition as he turns his adversaries into bloody Swiss cheese pulps. He uses up more rockets and other exploding devices in five minutes than Paris Hilton can say the word ‘hot’ over the course of a week.
And he was more ripped in this film than a roll of toilet paper being attacked by a cat.
Manly.
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Back tomorrow with numbers 10-1.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
They were probably the first place that I looked for when I entered a mall.
They were of course, the arcade.
Oh, the arcade. What a delightful place of noise, lights and big shiny things.
As I progress my ideas of the best video games in history, I felt I would be remiss if I didn’t address this topic.
These days, you can barely find an arcade anywhere. With the proliferation of the home consoles and computer games in the house, arcades have pretty much gone the way of the Dodo. You can still find some arcade games in movie theaters, or places like Dave and Busters or the Champions Fun Center but for the most part, they are an extinct entity.
But they still have a special place in the pantheon of video games.
Games like Asteroids, Space Invaders and Dig Dug jump to mind right off the bat but they weren’t really the games that I liked to play. Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter and Virtua Fighter were classics in their day and to watch some of the experts play these could be quite the sight to behold.
Of course Pac-Man and Mrs. Pac-Man are probably two of the most famous games in the history of gaming. They were the kind of games that I even saw a grandparent or two enjoy playing. Not mine but I did see more than a few older people indulge in these games.
Yet none of those games rank at the top of my list. Each of the games that made my cut are up there for some specific reasons. Reason which probably deviate depending on what age I was.
So…onto the list. And I’ve tried to include links to these games if at all possible. Except number 8, 7 and 5. Because they would suck to play online. Some of the links are from console versions so they don’t convey the total awesomeness of the games but they were the best I could find. I will warn you though, turn down your volume for these games or your ears will bleed.
Honorable Mentions:
Gauntlet.
http://mastersystem8.com/game/118/gaunt
Four players. A wizard, elf, valkyrie and warrior hacked and slashed their way from a never ending labyrinth filled with ghosts, some sort of ogre beast, little creatures that lobbed stuff at you, some demon things and the nearly invincible Death. Each character that you could choose had their own strengths or weaknesses and some people would debate for hours which character was the best. The game possesses this rather creepy narrator that was constantly chirping things at you, telling you that you were dying, that you were a moron for shooting the food or that you like a supermodel and desperately needed food.
Mercs.
http://mastersystem8.com/game/426/m
Not many people have probably heard of this game but it was a riot to play. This game centered around the possibility that three mercenaries could be on the screen at the same time and blast their way through a variety of enemies. Huge powerful weapons to shoot and enemies that burst into flames made this game a total squeal. I beat this game in Portland, Oregon when I stumbled across it at the mall. The only reason that I beat it was because at this point some arcades were actually utilizing a ‘Nickel’ option on many of the older or less popular games in an effort to still draw in money. So I utilized it. For less than one dollar, while several other people were dropping tens of dollars into the other games, I spent a little time and beat this game like a drum. That is right. I rule.
10. Paperboy.
http://nintendo8.com/game/59/paperboy/
I would have hated to be the paper boy in this neighborhood. Dogs that chase you. Cars with no concept of allowing the pedestrian to cross in front of them. Other random obstacles that would cause you to bounce your head off of the concrete. This game gets an inclusion because my brother, if I recall properly, used to love this game. That, at least in one arena, makes him a bigger dork than me. My brother…such a nerd.
9. Super Off Road.
http://mastersystem8.com/game/539/super
Eventually this game would get some famous sponsor guy to plaster over the game but initially this game centered around driving an off road truck around a weaving course, competing against 3 other drivers. With careful use of nitro boosts and the ability to avoid puddles of water, this was a game that you could dominate with ease.
8. Lethal Enforcers.
This game made you feel like a badass. You stood in the middle of an arcade, holding onto a plastic pistol and blasted beams of light at the screen, trying to save the day by offing bad guys while saving the hostages. And it was one of the first games that would cause us to ask for a friend to be our ‘second gunman on the grassy knoll.’ We wasted many an hour in college standing in front of this thing while at the Big Apple Fun Center in Kearney. Probably why most of us didn’t get many dates back in college. It could have been that we were just too pretty and intimidating for most women to deal with but I’m going to go with that we were just huge nerds. That second scenario seems much more likely.
7. Golden Tee.
If there is a better ‘bar video game’ in history, I want to know what it is. This game has caused many a college aged or even older person to huddle around this machine and spin the rolling ball and watch the ball fling away from your guy. I just mention the name ‘Golden Tee’ and many guys that have ever been in a bar will have a fond memory of playing this with friends. I really don’t want to ponder how much money we poured into this thing at a few different bars in Lincoln.
6. Track and Field.
http://mastersystem8.com/game/539/super
One question…how fast are your fingers? The entire game centered around hammering two button in succession as fast as you could. Run the 100 Meters, toss the javelin, shoot some skeet, triple jump or a variety of other track events, do whatever your heart desires. I first saw this game when I was a wee junior high student and watching some of the high school kids play this at an ice cream shop in my hometown. I was in awe of their ability at how well they played this game. I’m not sure if it was just that I have a skewed memory of how cool those guys were or that I was just a huge dork idolizing the kids I saw play football and basketball when I was growing up. I am going with the ‘skewed memory’ line of thinking but since many of you know me, it is most likely that I am a dork. But I’m fine with that.
5. Area 51.
The second entry that included using a light pistol to blast away enemies. Did I waste some time on this game? Yes I did. Because as we all know, they do have alien bodies at Area 51. This game might as well be a documentary. Once it came out I played this almost every time we were out on the town. I know the exact crew that I played with. We could dominate this game. And since you had an unlimited supply of ammo, you just found yourself hammering away at the trigger so fast and hard that your forearms would cramp up and you had to keep changing the finger you used to squeeze with. You would journey through a variety of levels, all complete with either evil soldiers or freaky aliens jumping out at you, as you attempted to save the world from a complete alien takeover. This would have been much higher but my top 4 is huge.
4. Tron.
http://www.classicgamesarcade.com/g
Sadly, the best I could find for this game was just the light cycle portion of it. But there were other things in this game that just made it fun and challenging. Yet, for the life of me, I can’t really describe any of the other levels you could play. Probably because I played this game years ago and my memory isn’t quite what it used to be. I think I first encountered this game while at the Pizza Hut in my hometown and would find myself begging my parents for a few quarters so that I could dive into this digital world and waste their hard earned money.
3. Donkey Kong/Frogger.
http://www.donkeykongonline.com/don
http://www.freefrogger.org/
This makes the list so high for one reason. Over the past several years, a good friend of mine and I would journey to the local bar, encounter fun people that had varying degrees of interest, plop down in front of this table top console, have a few beers and chat while we challenged each other in these two games. It was a weekly ritual that we did and I enjoyed the hell out of it. Especially since I dominated Donkey Kong and occasionally managed to hold my own at Frogger.
2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Arcade.
http://nintendo8.com/game/147/teenage_m
I couldn’t find the original arcade game but I did include some shelled fun for you. This game ranks this highly due to hours that my brother and I plus the Moeller boys wasted in northeast Nebraska when we were mere freshmen and seventh graders. Hours upon hours we stood in front of this machine being reptile ninjas. Some of my most cherished memories.
1. Star Wars Arcade Game.
Sadly, I couldn’t find a decent copy of this game online. But feel free to look for yourselves.
This game ranks as my number one of all time because you sat in a cockpit of an X-Wing. And you didn’t use some lame joystick to pilot, you were able to use a variety of controls to pilot your starfighter as you blasted Tie Fighters in space and then journeyed down the Death Star trench. For a huge, huge nerd like me, this was practically Heaven. Released in 1983, this game solidified my geekness by taking hours of my life. For a brief moment, I was a Rebel pilot and helping to defeat the Empire. I probably geekgasmed every time I played this game.
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So there you go. My favorite arcade games. Those of you too young to remember the days of the arcade probably won’t get this list. Those of you old enough to remember arcades probably were too cool to play them. But hopefully some of the links that I posted will give you some hours of useless entertainment, either while at work or at home. Preferably while at work. If you can get paid to play games, you might as well.
Back tomorrow with Movie Wednesday.
This is Pete…
Over and out.
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